How do I move on?

5 years ago I met who I thought ya the time was the love of my life, we were both kids but ended up staying together for 4 years until we bothe turned 18.
Some would say, at that age you don’t know what love is…
Anyway, I’m this period I met someone Josh’s Mum, her name was Laura. She would now be 35.
Laura battled a long life addiction, alcoholism. It’s hard to put into words how amazing yet crazy or relationship was, and as you can imagine had it’s many difficult times.
I grew a relationship so tight and loving that I ended up calling her ‘Mum’
For years I watched her fight an addiction, I watched and would say saved her life on many occasions due to overdoses and self harm.
In 2013 Laura started to change, and we noticed what could only be described as a ‘rash’ that covered her body from head to toe.
After weeks of discomfort and having to help her in and out of the bath, deal with her personal care and no longer being able to watch her in pain, I made her take a trip to A&E.
Laura was told she was suffering from dry skin and irritation and prescribed her some cream.
I still wasn’t convinced, 4 weeks passed and Laura ended up being hospitalised. I Couldn’t believe he imaginable was happening.
The rash Laura has developed over time, was a sign to say her liver was failing.
After 2 weeks in hospital and her body refusing the medication, Laura’s body has shut down, and was brain dead.
All her organs and slowly shut of and the only thing keeping her alive was the machines.
I will never forget what she looked like, every night before I close my eyes I see the horrible imagines of what this addiction did too her.
After much consideration and after a few days passed, Laura’s life support machine was turned off and she slowly passed, she passed over ag 5.27am on the 14.04.2014.

Her son and I were in a different county, and I received the text letting us know Laura has passed, for some reason I knew to look at my phone at that time.
It then came to my attention, that I… the one joshua was supposed to love had to break it to him that his mum had passed.

4 years later and I still can’t move on. My life has never been the same without her & I just can’t ever see myself getting over her loss.
It still feels like only yesterday she was here…

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of Laura. It sounds as though you were really close to her, and it must have been really hard to see her struggle with alcoholism and deteriorate like that.

There is no set timeline on grief, and people say that the loss of someone close is not something you ever completely ‘get over’. However, in time, you can grow your life around your grief, so that you can move forward and the grief is not an all-consuming part of your life. Having the right support and having outlets for your emotions are important parts of this process. Do you have anyone that you can talk to about your loss and how you are feeling? If you are struggling to move on, you might find it helpful to get some counselling or bereavement support to help you process what happened. Here are some support options that you could access:

  • Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​,
    You can make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area
  • You can use the NHS IAPT scheme to search for psychological therapies in your local area.
  • If you’re employed, check whether your employer offers an Employee Assistance Programme and what help you might be entitled to under this scheme
  • The Mix offers telephone counselling to people aged 25 and under.
  • The Bead (Bereaved by Alcohol and Drugs) website also has information and resources for people in your situation.

I’m glad that you’ve found this Online Community, as writing things down here can be another good outlet for your feelings. Our users are very supportive and understand the pain of losing a loved one.

While you wait for more replies to your post, you may find it helpful to read some other people’s experiences of bereavement due to alcoholism, for example: