Hi
I lost my 14year old daughter Erin in July 22 after a short illness.
I’m struggling to process what happened.
I go over & over in my head the days before we took Erin hospital , the days in the hospital & the day we had to turn off her life support .
I don’t remember alot from that week
I remember snippets . I think this is why I’m struggling so much to get past it . It’s like my mind wants me to remember every detail & my heart thinking if I do it will change the outcome & erin won’t have died …
I thought someone in this group might have been through something similar & able to offer advice
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter that brings you here.
You say you are struggling to process what happened. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
I am so sorry to hear about your Erin. Such a young age! My son was older (33). His death last November has been utterly devastating for me and my family. I think about my boy constantly day and night. Like you, I continually analyse what happened and ask myself if I could have done things differently. Sometimes I’ll invent an alternative version in my head of what occurred, but with a happy ending, where my son doesn’t die. All of this is a way of coming to terms with loss. My experience is somewhat different from yours as my son was not in hospital and died on his own in his flat. We did not find out for 4 days. I have written down a timeline of some of the things that happened and texts/emails from my son, in an attempt to make sense of it all. I think it helps a little. Perhaps it would help you too to write down your thoughts.
When you watch a tv show the bereaved are able to give a minute by minute account of the day or days leading up to a death. Maybe for some people that is true but when you lose a child the only way your heart keeps beating is because your brain shuts out the memory. If you were able to remember in detail those last days, hours, minutes you wouldn’t survive, despite every fibre of your body screaming that you don’t want to live your instinct is to keep on breathing. So your brain blocks out the memories because the reality is too much to bear.
A good friend told me I will eventually stop seeing the illness and will remember more of the person, I’m still waiting for that to happen, 19 months on. I am still angry and bitter that I lost my child but I’m more angry and bitter that she lost her future and the world lost her promise.
I know exactly how u r feeling. I feel it too I lost my 19 yr old son in November and the grief is something I’ve never felt. Please inbox me if u wanna chat to someone that is experiencing everything u r xx