I have not been on the site for quite a while but I have been following this thread with great interest and I found your comment so comforting. I agree with everything you say. You are so right about love, if we had not loved our husbands so much we would not be feeling this but I would not have given up the 28 years I had with my husband for anything. I lost my husband suddenly seven months ago and have been living with my sister since then as I could not bear to be in the house.
I was just starting to feel a bit more normal when my younger sister go the flu. It was a very virulent strain that attacked her heart and she passed away on 17th February this year.
She was 57 and so full of life and healthy. I feel awful most of the time and have got my awful anxiety back which had started to east. I am plodding through each day and am trying to help myself by reading self help books, praying for strength, having meditation and going to a bereavement group. I have also started going to AA again for the support as I hit the bottle when my Dad died and I dont want to do that again.
I also have been thinking whats the point but could not tell my family this as they would worry and they are grieving as well. But I am finding it hard to put one foot in front of the other. I have been to the cinema twice with my sister and been out shopping and to lunch, dinner etc but I said to my daughter I wonder if I will ever feel happy again.
I do not want to die but I living is very difficult at the moment and I am sure you are all feeling the same. I have put my house on the market and I will buy a house nearer my family. I have decided to rent first to get used to the area and then decide where I buy.
I have been looking at rental properties with my sister. I managed to tell her how I felt yesterday about this. I told her I know I have to get my own place and move on whatever that means. But I am terrified and feel such a wimp for being so frightened at my age. The idea of being on my own is freaking me out but I have no choice, I will have to build a new life slowly without the support of my Kevin. I know what you mean about mundane we just loved the simple things in life, sitting in the garden in the sun reading the papers and Sunday dinner.
I have a good family round me but cant believe my lovely sister is gone I stayed with her a few times and she was so bubbly and made me laugh. I have a daughter and son-in-law and two lovely grandsons and I stay with them sometimes but they have their own life to lead.
I know I am not going to feel happy anytime soon but it would be nice to feel normal again if only for a few hours, I just have no pep I need my mojo back.
It brings me comfort to know I am not alone and that it is normal to feel all these things, and I try to get some inspiration from wherever I can.
I send my best wishes to all of you in the same situation.