7 years ago my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and we are now at the point I thought would never come. I suddenly feel like I have wasted those years and would do anything to change that. I would swap with him in a heartbeat. I’ve spent those 7 years in denial, not speaking about it and really really hoping it would go away.
Watching my strong, active, beautiful dad become so weak and frail is breaking my heart. I’m an absolute mess and if I’m this bad now how will I cope when I have to say goodbye? I’ve never seen my dad cry until yesterday. He looked scared as he told me he isn’t in pain, I’m sure he is trying to reassure me as I can’t stop crying.
At the moment he is in hospital as there are no beds in the hospice. He struggles to breathe and is permanently attached to oxygen. I don’t know what’s coming but I’m so scared. I’m scared of only remembering him like this, I’m scared of what life will be like after and I’m scared I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for not spending enough time with him over the years.
Me and my dad are so similar. I can’t be without him. I can’t imagine never hearing his voice again, or spending Christmas without him. He’ll never walk me down the aisle or see my son grow up. I just want him to stay