How do I stop feeling so lost?

22/11/22 was the date that I lost my Fiancé very suddenly. After waiting for a month, they still cannot determine what it was that caused her death. She has now been laid to rest but, since losing her, I feel like there is a huge hole in my life.
I can’t seem to get joy from the things that I enjoyed so much before, even things that didn’t revolve around her.
How do you cope with that?
How can I start to find joy in these activities again?

I would love to hear if people have experience similar feelings and how you coped with them.


Hello Bennett58

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your fiancé. It’s normal to find that things that once felt joyful might not feel that way for a while. There’s no timescales to grief, it’s important to do what feels right for you day by day.

Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

Take care of yourself,

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Hi Bennet58.
I too lost my partner in November and am awaiting cause of death from Coroner.
I think we’re both in the raw early stages of this nightmare and grief which there are no answers for on how to cope. I dont think joy will return to doing anything for a while yet.
Just be kind to yourself is probably the best advise ive received so far. We have had his funeral and over this xmas period im concentrating on me (and children) yesterday i did nothing but watch TV, felt guilty at first as thought i should be sorting stuff out! But decided F@#k it! and i actually felt a tad better for listening to my body rather than head.
Ive also started listening to a podcast (recommended on here) called the Widow Coach Karen Sutton.
Like i said: be kind to yourself.
Sorry for your loss. X


So sorry @Bennett58
There is no schedule we can follow or any logic to this grief process. We can only take one day at a time - or in my experience PART of a day. I can be sobbing one hour of the day and coping better a different hour. I lost my darling husband of 29 years, suddenly in April. He had been my first boyfriend when we were 17, then years intervening when we thought of each other but lived a long way apart, before getting back together when we were 28.

It is very early days so don’t expect too much of yourself but be kind to yourself.
Sending love. xxx

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Yeah I do that too, first time as you say it felt indulgent, but then I thought why not? I think it was my bodys way of getting me to give it a rest. Over the last couple of days I’ve come across some surprising information relating to the physical symptoms of grief, how grief shows itself through aches and pains, fatigue and low immunity. It was a help to understand that just sitting and switching off physically is beneficial. Like others have said, and I am doing, be good to yourself, if it feels like its needed then just follow your instincts and do it. Sometimes inactivity can be really productive.


Hi it is very early days fir you…i too list my partnervon 19th November. He was 58 and died suddenly of a dvt…i have returned to my work which has helped. Christmas was a struggle at times got tgrough with the help and support if mt family and friends…i do believe time is the great healer.we will never forget but we have to just out one foot in front of the other and tomorrow willvbe a better day

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