I lost my 21 year old son 6 weeks ago .
I have a lovely daughter who is 19.
I do not want tor be here . I keep hoping I don’t wake up in the morning or get some illness that can’t be cured .
How awful is that .
My daughter should be enough to keep me going but I am all consumed with grief for my boy .
I am in a living hell .
Hi @Tilly13,
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. It’s completely understandable that are consumed with grief right now.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
If you aren’t already in touch with them, these organisations offer support to people who have lost someone to suicide.
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide.
Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support
You deserve care and support so please do get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
I’m not surprised you are filled with grief for your boy. You loved him, and still do. You’re still his mum, that doesn’t change. My daughter died in January last year, the pain never goes away, but somehow I’m keeping on keeping on. That’s enough. Slowly, slowly things get a little bit easier to manage. There no miracle cure but talking to others on here at least shows that this is what it’s like when you lose a child. Seeing others who are years on and ‘living with it’ gave me hope. Getting outside help made a difference to me. We are all different and what helped my might not suit everybody. I grabbed all the help I could find. Compassinate Friends were wonderful, and still support me, they gave me the chance to meet others in the same boat. Counselling helps too. Both of these things helped me. Go at your own pace. Don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. On the worst days I remind myself just to get through the next hour or day. You aren’t alone, though it prob feels like it, you’ve come to a good place here and everyone ‘gets it’, it happened to them. I send you all the very best and hope you find even a slither of hope from talking to others on here. Do what feels right for you. It’s ok to be kind to yourself, you deserve it. Really xxxxx
I am so sorry to hear about your son I lost my son almost 2 years ago he was 21. I didn’t think I would make it through it was so hard, but I just took it one day at a time. At the time I thought I would never get through it, but as time goes on you’ll find yourself having more good days than bad days it’s a journey that no one wants to take. I will tell you you will get to the other end. Like I said it’s been almost 2 years but I still have my bad days, but nothing like it was in the beginning. The way you are feeling right now is absolutely normal Don’t think it isn’t. Let your feelings out cry,scream, laugh whatever you feel like doing. I will tell you that this site helped me immensely in moving on it’s so nice to be able to talk to people who are in your shoes and really understand. 
Thank you for taking the time to reply .
It gives me hope that one day the pain will ease and I can carry my grief with me whilst still being able to function and have a reasonable life .
I won’t ever be truly happy again though
Much love xx
Hi
I lost my 27 year old son last week and i too dont want to be here and have another son who is older but i resent him being here. Awful for a mother to say bjt my youngest son was my favourite!
How do we cope.
Sending you strength. I know there is ni god now.