How Do We Move Forward???

How do all of us on this forum move forward, we can’t go back and yet most if not all of us have absolutely no ideal how to move forward even the tiniest step feels so painful and if you like me live in your head at the moment you constantly wonder how much more you are able to endure. I have always considered myself a strong person but this is so beyond me so debilitating so relentless and so hard. I wonder whether I can actually carry on I look like a caricature of my former self hollow, thin and shellshocked.Meanwhile life goes on around me a hundred miles an hour and mine has slowed down to a snails pace I go to work come home eat wash sleep. I wish my days away willing them to be behind me almost counting down my life as it were if that makes sense. I can’t imagine what to to do with the remainder of my life there was no contingency plan in place. All of a sudden there is just me my child has grown and left so not only am a no longer someone’s wife but I am only a part time mother and to top it all there is still a surreal quality about my husbands death despite it being nearly 11 months later. Of course I know there are no fast and easy answers but the question remains swirling around in my head how do move forward???

Hi aquarius the question for all of us in the nightmare is a difficult 1 to answer .Day by day i too plod about making plans doesnt seem right .We are in a special club whkich is free but the payment to our heart and mind is very confusing to say the least.People who are happy and not greiving for a loved 1 move away from us very fast .This club is taboo to pepole who cant understand what we are going through.Ive been asked i thought youd be over Denise by now (04032016 she passed away )So this is my safe place .People outside cause the problems Happy Christmas they said and they felt hurt when told them to feck off ?We help each other and maybe 1 day we wont be on here as much Colin

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Dear Both,

I feel the same, each day is just something to endure and get through. I welcome going to bed each night where I can turn the light off and know another day has passed without me gong into meltdown.

Happy Christmas and Happy New Year were words that stuck in my throat. I felt like screaming at people how could it be happy for me. General good wishes i accept and notes from people just saying i was in their thoughts. A peaceful new year is all I can hope for and I know i have used the sentiment to others on this forum.

I am facing a new ordeal next week when the local hospice have invited me to an event where I can see my Mum’s name in their book of remembrance. It feels so final to do that and is something I dread. I am going however as their counsellors will be available to talk to and know this could be the push needed for me to move forward to accepting some help. I am having my hair done beforehand to boost my confidence a bit.

I never thought this sense of loss could be so bad and the feeling of being so alone even in a crowd.

Mel

Oh Colin how insensitive of people to expect you to have moved on in such a short amount of time I myself will never ever stop loving or missing Alex my late husband, to put a time limit on your feelings and grief is utterly ridiculous love is perhaps the most deepest connection you can make in your life it’s not something you can just switch off and shame on anyone who would say this to you. I think your right when you say that death is a taboo subject and I also think there is a lot of fear associated with it, fear for themselves and love ones where as the worst has happened for us are biggest fear is probably living a lot of years onwards without our love ones. Anyway I do not think you should allow anyone to dictate how long you grieve each of us is different and unless you have experienced a loss you have no right to an opinion this is hard enough without unsolicited advice however well intentioned, my name is Karen by the way and I too even though it may not sound like it in my posts hope at some stage not to be so reliant of the site also. xx

Hi AquariusA, I feel exactly like you, only I also have guilt because I am a mother of young children but my grief is so profound I’m struggling to enjoy them or do things for them. I feel so numb and sad.
I also struggle with other people’s good wishes and also the constant: ‘Are you ok?’
Feel like shouting from the rooftops that I’m not!!
This is the only place I fit in at the moment.

I’m so sorry Zahn it’s so debilitating isn’t it another gift from grief it’s so hard to navigate through life at the moment try not to judge yourself with guilt there are no fast and easy rules your doing the best you can just by getting up each morning shows strength. We are all living in the moment as what else is there just know you are not alone people say the most stupid things I guess it’s because they don’t know what to say we were probably like that ourselves post our losses. Anyway you want to message me to chat or not feel free talking does take the edge off. xx

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