How do you carry on?

I lost my gorgeous and healthy wife in December due to Covid she was just 60 and had no health issues.
I really do not know how I can carry on.
My main feeling today is loneliness and is it worth carrying on?
I feel like life is now pointless, I have 2 daughters who are obviously grieving themselves and they have helped me and without them I do not know where I would be, but I feel my company doesn’t help them.
Friends seem to have disappeared after the initial outpouring of grief.
So I am left alone.
Its over 3 months since she passed and this last week or so has been terrible.
Any advice?

So sorry for your loss - we all understand only too well the terrible pain that you are in. I am only 2 weeks in. My wonderful husband died suddenly and unexpectedly and was only 50. My heart is breaking and it’s breaking for everyone else on here who is having to endure the same pain. I am trying to take as much support from people around me as I can. It will never ease the pain but at least I can have some company when I need it. Sending hugs

Thank you, and so sorry for your loss. Those first few weeks I found myself in a disbelieving state and with all the arrangements that need to be done give you a purpose. I have never been good at being on my own. We did everything together absolutely everything. We were moving house in January to be nearer one of my daughters families, grand kids and all.

I really feel for you after losing your husband so unexpectedly and at such a young age. I feel very angry towards the lack of help offered to me from anywhere. Most of my friends were our friends and consequently couples which makes seeing them (when I can) a really daunting task. I hope you are getting lots of support and love from your friends.
My thoughts are with you.

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That’s the trouble isn’t it - everyone is a couple. We did everything outside of work together as well. That’s one of the most difficult parts. I didn’t mind what we were doing as long as we were together. People say that I can still do those things but the motivation isn’t there - the pleasure came from doing them with him. Take care

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I understand your pain my fiancé died 6 months ago it’s so difficult everyone was there and now I’m just on my own I get that when you’re on your own the only person who could comfort me is her it’s so hard to get over.

How are you feeling after 6 months?

It’s honestly hard it’s terrible that I know the only person could get me out of my dark places was her kind of feels like I will constantly be in a black hole.

Dear @Mel2, firstly im so sorry for your loss, im a bit further on, 10 months since my beloved husband passed away after battling pancreatic cancer. For 3 years he fought so hard to stay with us. Our son and daughter are also grieving, i too don’t wish to be here but i could not put them through the pain of losing me too. I find now that i have better days and other days i cry too, but i don’t feel as desperate as i did at the beginning. Im finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, i want to live the best life i can in memory of Marcial. I was fortunate to have had 38 great years with him. Take care, it will ease up eventually, you will learn to live alongside the pain. Best regards. Margarita

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I’m sure your daughters need you alot more than you think when I lost my mum I couldn’t have got through it without my dad. I can’t imagine how you are feeling but just take 1 day at a time and keep going you’ll find your smile again one day :sparkling_heart:

Thanks for your advice and kind words. And I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m still here today somehow.

Hi i too lost my soul mate 6 months ago today.Tears have fallen in abundance today,i made a decision to cancel his credit cards, something i have put off for weeks today of all days.It feels like i am wiping him out of my life.Someone told me that when a person dies it takes 6 months for them to heal, not sure if its true but the thought he may be healed gives me a lot of comfort x

Hi Mel I read your post and just wanted to give you a hug. You’ve expressed how we all feel when we lose a loved one. There is a big empty hole where they used to be and how do you get over that hole which you feel you keep falling into. We’re all here because we’ve lost someone in our lives who made a difference and we lived for so it’s got to be a big big change when we lose them. I talk all the time with them and have coffee morning with them when I chat to them and tell them whats going on and what I’m worried about. Yeah I get no answers it’s all still and quiet but In my heart I feel they know I’m talking to them. Life is all about much more than we understand and looking into how we live on can be quite a comfort for some. Coming here is also good and expressing how you feel, it’s good to talk to others who get it. Unfortunately family and friends who may or may not have gone through it or may not have had the same close relationship will give you some support at first but then ask you ‘are you feeling better’ after a few months, as if a few months will make a difference! This journey is different for everyone and there is no one size fits all so knowing that and accepting your feelings as being perfectly normal for you and you alone is a big step forward. Let your girls help in any way they wish to, as that is what they’re doing trying to help you and themselves too. Share, share, share all your feelings with them if comfortable or here if not and keep taking one step at a time no matter how small and keep moving forward. I’m told gradually your life becomes different and you move into living alongside the grief instead of it consuming you… Happy memories which don’t bite so much in reliving them. Take good care of yourself and know you are not alone in all this. RedPoppy :mask: :hugs:

Redpoppy, Thank you so much for your wonderfully written caring words. You have understood exactly how I’m feeling. I know no one has any answers but the lack of support and compassion amazes me. I have my daughters and their families so I will keep going.

How are you coping now ? Feeling better after covid?

Bless you Mel I’m glad I made sense and you got exactly what I meant and know that you are not alone. There are no answers really just time which will come and go and some days you feel better and other days you feel worse. Just go with them as they both serve a purpose I guess.

How did you know I’ve had covid? yes Christmas Day I got my positive result so happy Christmas a grieving me!!! It was all I could do to get through Christmas Day but somehow I did! Have some lasting memories of it achy bones and tiredness beyond anything I’ve ever known but still here so the world has not done with me yet!!!

Always here if you need to vent or generally chat as I said before it’s good to keep talking about them and your own feelings too.

Socially distanced hug being sent RedPoppy

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