Another day gone by and now sitting Friday night thinking about 16weeks tonight when it happened Have pored myself a glass of wine and crying about my memories not believing its my life im reliving. Just so sad as ive said Friday ws our night for many a year we had fun a drink some music and a dance to anything and everything in our kitchen just us 2 We never needed anyone else but still loved fun when everybody else ws busy with their lives Now those people still are and im not cant even put music on without crying as that ws my husbands life singing all the time mixture of every kind of jonrae Can’t see me doing this forever more at this age This cannot be my life forever more
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11 months tomorrow don’t know how I’ve got here or how 11 months have passed already. I get out of bed everyday for our kids we have to keep going for them no matter how hard it gets hugs
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I know we have too do that and pretend everything is as good as can be Ive got adult son who lives with me but still has his life with friends and although still feel im his mum and should be coping ( for his sake so he doesn’t get upset) its so cery hard After 40 yrs with someone since i ws 15 im just totally lost feeling so vulnerable about everything i now need to do I always till now felt a strong person but thoughtfully im broken I keep giving myself a telling off about feeling sorry for myself because i really should be thinking that about my husband who would still love to be here living his life
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Completely agree with you, I don’t recognise myself anymore, it’s about doing what’s right for you. Giving yourself credit for the little things. It’s an achievement getting out of bed everyday
Sending love
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I am sorry for everyone’s loss. I’m going on month 5 and it’s not any easier. Part of me died when my husband died.
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Definitely I agree I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again that me went with him x
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So glad ive joined this group and can speak freely about what we’re experiencing Have noticed others really don’t under Been told from family ( after 4 months tonight ) its ok if feeling sad just make sure you do it night time in house when no one about??? Sorry i can’t help when it all of a sudden from nowhere comes over me and just want to ball my eyes out Also getting quite selfish maybe as am now fed up listening to people talk about every day life ( thst i haven’t got ) and just want them to be quiet or go I know their just trying to give me other things to think about but truthfully just now im not interested Has anyone else thought this or am i now so hard and bitter with life
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I’m quite happy at home alone, hate people and the outside world at the moment. As if you can control it, when it comes there’s no stopping it
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@Mia121
Let your emotions do what they need to do, whenever & wherever. Don’t try to suppress them as that will only make things worse.
I’m now 5 months along since I lost my Wife, best friend and soulmate of 31 years Anna aged only 51 to metastatic Cancer following a 16 month battle.
For periods i have found myself over that time in a very dark place & have been unable to control when or where my emotions get the better of me. It’s very easy for those who have not experienced what we are going through to give advice but as you point out they don’t understand.
I too at times have had to bite my tongue when others are talking about how well things are going for them or plans they they are making for holidays & such when all the time I’m thinking " my life will never be the same, I’ll never be able to make plans again for holidays or anything else " , but i know that for others life carries on as normal.
I have also found myself being out & seeing others with their Wives or partners & feeling a sense of anger & jealousy that that used to be me & my Wife but now it’s not & never will be again. The amount of different emotions that we have to deal with daily is suffocating & being honest there are times when i just want to end it all so i can be with my Anna again. We have a wonderful grown up Son and Daughter & two beautiful Granddaughters & it has obviously devastated them to lose their Mother & Grandmother, how cruel & selfish of me would it be to end my life & leave them to deal with that on top of everything else, so that thought brings me to my senses.
Hopefully as time progresses these dark days & thoughts will become fewer & i can try to come to terms with my loss a bit better.
Be kind to yourself & take care xx
Derek 
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live the best you can. enjoy your life as they would tell you to.
those small things one day you will value. the adjustment takes years.