How do you carry on …

I lost my wife 4 weeks ago today , every day I want to just not wake up and go be with her , I have 2 kids and family that would be devastated and that’s what stops me ( for now at least ) .
After reading many messages on here from people in worse situations than me ( no family / friends / support etc ) , what reasons do you find to carry on with this nightmare life we are left with , rather than end it all and be with our soulmates ?


Hi @Dino13,

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, @Dino13 , get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

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I am so sorry for your loss. I’m almost 5 months out and it still hurts, but I don’t cry everyday like I use to. It’s very early for you so make sure you take care of yourself. Your kids and family need you. Just know we are all going through this terrible journey and we have to take one day at a time. Continue reaching out because we can all relate to your pain. This site helps be express my feelings in a safe place. Stay strong.


Mate I lost my wife,Joan,suddenly 18 months ago after 45 years together, the first morning after she died I took a knife to bed with me and came very close to putting a end to my misery, the only thing that stopped me was that I wouldn’t be around to sort out her funeral. Things do get better with time now I just regret waking up every morning but don’t intend to end things myself.
When I feel like ending things I get out of the house and just go for a walk to distract myself.
I’m trying to rebuild my life without the person who was my everything, people tell me that I can do it, we shall see.
Before you do anything desperate phone one of the numbers on this forum and seek counselling, think about the people in your life and the effect it would have on them, it’s hard mate,I know.
PM me if you want.


Thanks, I’m not serious about going to be with my wife as I know the extra heartache it would cause our kids and family , just wondered how people (who have posted how they are on their own , no family or friends left ) manage to carry on ? as I know without my kids & family I would already be with my wife .

Hi there Dino, i lost my beloved Wife of 31 years Anna aged only 51 following a long & arduous battle with metastatic Cancer early in November last year. She wasn’t just my Wife but also my best friend and soulmate. I cannot begin to describe how it felt to watch what that evil disease did to her over 16 months and how devastating it was when she finally couldn’t fight on any longer. My first thoughts were that i can’t carry on without her and I want my life to be over so i can be with her again but we have two amazing grown up children, a Son & a Daughter & two beautiful Granddaughters aged 6 & 2. They are obviously broken after losing their Mom so early in life so how could i add to their devastation by ending my own life ? I know my Anna & my children wouldn’t want that however angry & hurting i was from her loss.
I haven’t any Family of my own as both my parents passed away around 12 years ago & i lost my only Sister in a car accident 35 years ago. I don’t really have much in the way of friends anymore either really as we lost touch over the years, only people i work with but we don’t really socialise outside of work. So other than my Son & Daughter i don’t really have much interaction with anyone to be honest.
I will admit I’ve had some very dark days & have spent hour after hour crying & asking " why, why why ? " . Unfortunately it’s an answer I’m never likely to get.
I have just tried to keep myself as busy as possible as the weeks & months tick by. I’m not going to give you the " it will get better in time " speech that some people will give as everyone’s circumstances are different but all i can say is try to get through one day at a time, if you need to cry, do so, if you need to scream at the top of your voice, do so, let your emotions do what they need to do, don’t try to suppress them, it will make things worse.
I passed time early on by starting on a portrait painting of my Anna which took quite a considerable amount of time to complete but it helped me a lot.
I was offered grief counselling by our local Hospice which i was advised to give a go, which i did & it helped me immensely, it has enabled me to channel my anger rather than let it eat away at me, a lot of my anger issues were due to the way Anna’s family treated her in her final months, they all but abandoned her & i wanted nothing more than to kick off at them but she’d made me promise her that i wouldn’t which i did, so i had all that pent up anger inside me waiting to explode.
I urge you to seek some help or counselling to help you get through this horrendously difficult period you are going through. At one stage if someone had told me 5 months down the line I’d still be here trying to give advice in a group like this one I’d have said you’d lost your marbles, but here i am.
Everyone’s grief journey is different, there are no rules, just do what you can to get through each day for starters,
By all means drop me a message anytime if you need to vent or just to chat, I’ll do my best to help if i can.
Please be kind to yourself and take care.

Derek x :heart:


@VillaBoy22 your words are so correct in everything you say. This new life which we didn’t ask for is so hard and not sharing our future with our love one is so cruel and unfair, definitely been robbed of our future, plans and dreams. Like you I take one day, one hour at a time and try not to look into the future. I sometimes wake up thinking I am ready to go but can’t as I have a 23 year old son and my husband would be so upset if I left him and my poor husband never got a chance or choice to continue to live. I’m just trying to keep busy filling up my time. Take care xx


Thanks for your reply Derek it means a lot , I have been asking why why why for the last 4 weeks , wishing it had been me that went , not wanting to die as such , just not wanting to live without her .
It’s her funeral this Friday so that is going to be incredibly emotional for all of us , just got to keep going even if it is an hour at a time at the moment .


I lost my husband & soulmate of 38 years in Sept '23, & no, it hasnt got any easier if anything it seems to get harder as time goes by, i have list 3 stone in weight as hardly eating, hardly sleeping & i can no longer watch tv programmes that we used to enjoy together,& im just counting the says now until its my turn to go to him, the sooner the better for me.

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Hi @Dino13

In response to your question, I am carrying on because my partner didn’t want to die. He lived life to the full before he died from aggressive brain cancer at 56. He told me he wanted me to continue living life to the full and continue making magnificent memories. I told him I would not be able to do that right away. He knew I was heartbroken and would continue to be heartbroken.
I am taking things one day at a time and when I feel very low I do something to distract myself such as going for a walk or watching a TV series. Jigsaws have been suggested as a good distraction activity so I will try those as well. It really does feel like I am treading water - I am certainly not living life to the full. I am just functioning but that’s ok. It is less than eight weeks since my partner died. I will try to honour him by making magnificent memories some time in the futur but I can’t do that yet. Distraction is what helps me at the moment, and this forum is helpful too - people really do understand how dreadful this is - so keep sharing how you feel if it helps you and I am sure that this community (that none of us chose to join) will support you if we can


So sorry for everyone’s loss that is here I lost my soul mate husband that I’ve been with since 15 and knew for 40 years…Its so so hard very painful all the time as days go by Hate thinking about a life without him as this nightmare happened suddenly as we’d just arrived for Christmas holidays to celebrate Was happy he got back to our apartment 22nd December and away early hrs 23rd My poor sons birthday then 28th while we sat in shock So true not getting easier all these feelings of disbelief but should it if you love someone so much Everyone take care Although so easy to say but for oneself hard to do


Lost my husband out of the blue a month ago. We had the funeral last week so now its just me and the dog with this awful new life. No close friends or relatives and need to keep working full time for financial reasons, which I’m struggling with. Desparate to go to sleep and never wake up. Seems so cruel to keep me alive for no reason.


I really know how your feeling and struggling with all your emotions its so painful and just want someone to take that away ( but sadly that person can’t) thats what i ask for all the time Please Please ckme home and tell me you were just wanting to see how id cope and then smile Can’t believe this is my life now

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How long has it been for you Mia?

You read all of these messages and its staggering to think how many of us are out there. When you look around there seem to be happy couples and families everywhere. Amongst the people I know no one else has lost their partner. I dont begrudge others happiness but why was ours taken away? Doctors told me about a community centre I could go to for a cup of tea with other lonely people and asked if I had any hobbies. I’m missing one specific person, all of this is just a way to try and get rid of some time until I’m finally released. More rubbish things to drag yourself to to add to the sadmin and chores that used to be shared. Just pure drudgery day in day out.

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It’s true, everyone else we see looks happy and content, I suppose we do, too. I will never again say that someone “looks miserable” as nobody knows what anyone has been through.
I’ve made a decision that, at 60, I will no longer go for any medical screenings, mammograms etc, as I dont want to be treated for anything, rather slip away in ignorance. I’ve had enough and I want to be with My Steve.


there is no honor in it. perhaps relief.

but seriously: taking your own life is a nasty business. ugly, beyond frightening.
life is a gift and the sad truth is, one day we will meet the same fate. might as well live while one can.

sympathy to you. I am so very sorry.

I had a call from the hospital today to arrange surgery for precancerous growths to be removed under GA. They were surprised when I declined the offer.
A couple of decades ago a lot of people didn’t expect to make it to 70.


Hi there cab, im now 16 weeks today ( living this new nightmare) can’t and will never believe how it suddenly happened and also my son ws therecto see his dad pass Its so cruel

So sorry to hear that Mia. You’re right, it is horribly mercilessly cruel. I’ll never look at the world in the same way again.