Hi all, i am new to all this and havent experienced as severe grief as i have recently. I lost my mum 7 weeks ago suddenly she was only 66 me being 32. She was admitted to ICU from having a cardiac arrest where i spent everyday with her and stayed with her to the end. At the time i dealt with everything and the following weeks i was strong. As the weeks have gone on it has been a lot harder. I tried going back to work but i would become overwhelmed and cry at the littlest of things and now i am having bad anxiety and low mood. I feel like its not getting any better. Im struggling with everyday things (chores, cooking etc) and have no motivation, i took this week off as annual leave as i could not cope with the pressure of work and I don’t know what to do or how I can make this better. Will it get better?
Hello I lost my Dad 3 months ago . Everything you’ve said is normal . I still feel numb and in shock and pretty devastated really it’s still so raw . All i would say is don’t expect too much from yourself let yourself grieve and get it out it’s really hard .
Sending love x
Hi @Emileigh I feel exactly the same as you. I lost my mum just over 2 months ago, I’m also 32, and had to remain strong for her while she was in hospital and held her as she passed away. As her next of kin everything fell to me to make arrangements for her funeral and I’m now having to apply for probate and dealing with her house. It’s been a lot of pressure and I’ve had to get through it while also being so distraught at losing my mum. It was too soon to lose her, she wasn’t ready to go and fought to get better, and I feel I’ve lost her too young. My GP signed me off work as I couldn’t cope for 5 weeks after her passing. Is that an option for you so you don’t have to use annual leave, but instead sick leave? I’ve also been so anxious since I’ve lost her, and luckily my husband has been taking over the majority of the house chores as I just can’t handle it all right now. I feel just getting out of bed and showering is enough most days. And recently dragging myself back to work. I personally don’t think it will ever get better - I also don’t want it to in a way, as I never want to not feel sad about losing my mum. She was everything to me, and I’ll always need her, so I’ll always be sad she’s not with me. Sometimes it helps to process things to talk on this forum. Here if you ever need to chat x
Thanks Laura so nice of you to reach out ans your words mean a lot. Sending love to you also
Hi @Woo4, everything you have explained is exactly how i am and the situation I am going through I am so glad theres someone to relate to. I have spoken to my GP today and have been signed off for 2 weeks but i worry about everything. I also sorted my mums cremation but unlike yourself none of the legal things so I really feel for you. But then i worry about my dad dealing with it all and taking on the pressure.
Exactly like your mum, my mum was taken too soon and know she wasnt ready to leave us and i think that is also hard to contemplate.
I really hope it gets easier for us both x
You aren’t on your own . It’s such a lonely experience I find x
It really is @Laura8
Hi @Emileigh, it’s good you’ve been signed off though as it’ll give you a bit of time to process. It is hard to comprehend when parents go before their time I’m sure no one is ever ready to lose their mums, but I didn’t ever think it would be this soon. It’s hard putting on a brave face at work, it’s so exhausting, I would have had longer off but I had to go back for the money as my sick pay went right down. It’s good to take my mind off things a bit to be back, but the sadness of my mum not being here is always just under the surface, no matter where I am or what I do. I imagine it’ll be like this for quite a long time, as it’s still so early and raw for us. Maybe one day we’ll smile more when we think of them, and happy memories, and not just the sad ones. Take care and here if you ever want to chat x
@Emileigh I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I lost both nan and dad April and June this year and I’m still struggling with the reality of death that has given me bad anxiety and I’m still trying to cope with going out of the house by myself (because I get thoughts about bad things that might happen to me and these thoughts scare me). I am getting there. I also still feel overwhelmed at work and at home. It has gotten a bit better, but the grief comes in waves. So whenever I feel overwhelmed, even at work, I let it all come out, I find a room to have time alone with my grief and just cry and not hold it in. I made sure to inform work though, and they all know, so that they can give me space too when I need it. I suggest consulting HR and your manager, they might be able to make small adjustments at work for you like mine has. It has really helped to have that support from work. Stay strong and look after yourself. x
Thanks @Journey for your advice i will definately have the conversation with work as i thibk you are avsolutely right that it will take time and come in waves. Sorry to hear about your loved ones. Im taking the ok days as a win and try ride out the bad. Thanks for your kind words