How do you deal with all of the up coming 1st???

Coping with bereavement
#1

How do you deal with all of the 1st?? Our loved ones Birthday, anniversary, day they died, kids going to school, kids going to uni…

My mum’s birthday is coming up on Saturday, I feel nauseated, panicked and anxious. What do I do? Buy her flowers (she loved flowers)? Visit her? Celebrate her? Make her a cake (she loved my cakes)? Buy a card (she loved birthday cards)? Or my favourite STAY IN BED!!! Don’t move all day. Stay under the covers a make believe she’s in the house shouting at my dad.

My 6 year olds birthday is next week and he doesn’t want anything cause his Nannie always took him to Smyth’s toy shop. Nannie was ill during his last birthday party. It breaks my heart.

It’s my birthday on the 2nd February. The woman that gave me this birthday isn’t her to celebrate with me. I feel I shouldn’t celebrate as there is nothing to celebrate!!!

My poor dad is on dialysis and you can see the pain and hurt everyone there is a 1st!!! Can’t the world stop and pause or rewind!!!

What do I do???

Diana x

#2

Hi Diana

I feel all of what you have said and my beloved mum and best friend has been gone 18 months now.

I dont think you should feel pressured into doing anything special for your mums birthday. I let the day pass quietly just thinking about mine. I will say that the build up to the day is much harder than the day itself.

My daughter was 12 when her adored nanny died suddenly and I know the pain is still very much there. She chooses not to mention her much as she get very upset.

I have my 50th birthday next month and I dont even want to mark it. It means nothing without my mum. We were going to go on a cruise this year. I certainly wont celebrate it, but will have a quiet meal with my partner and daughter. Lockdown suits me just fine, sadly.

I hope it all goes ok for you and you are certainly not alone in the way you are feeling.

Cheryl

#3

@DianaT I can’t give you any advice but I know how you feel. I’m not sure what I will do.

My first birthday without my Mum was a month after she died, I didn’t celebrate.

Sadly my Mum died on Mother’s Day last year and her birthday was 2 days before. I realise that Mother’s Day is a different day each year, but feel it means it means several awful days without her in March now.

My Mum loved her garden and flowers so I was thinking of getting a memorial plant or little tree in her memory for her birthday and Mother’s Day. Other than that I will probably have a quiet day. I think it’s personal choice and everyone is different, so there is no right or wrong.

It must be hard for your son too. Mine is too young to understand as he was only 2.5 when my Mum died.

I hope whatever you decide it goes ok. So many of us understand what you’re facing and you’re definitely not alone x

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