How do you find any motivation to do anything again

I lost my husband suddenly everything changed in a moment,he was 59 and I am 55,he passed on 15th March,worst day of my life,I have read many posts on here and feel for all of you,this is horrendous to have to bear each day,I lost my mother and father many years ago,but the grief healed as I had a young family and my husband to support me then,this grief is all consuming,for the last 3 month I have existed but wouldn’t call it living.I get up and go through the motions of dressing,eating,household chores,I drag myself through each day,my motivation to do anything has left.I have 3 great daughters who are a comfort,they have their own lives to lead,looking after their families and work.I realise I may have years to fill without him.I just haven’t a clue how to motivate myself to do it as I feel lost and a mess without him.

Hello Robina,

Sadly, your story is very similar to mine. My partner of 47 years died suddenly on 17th March. He was 69 and I’m 65, just about to start our first real year of retirement together.
Your description of your days matches mine. I go through the motions but each day is pointless, I constantly look at the clock hoping more time has gone by, most evenings I can’t stand it any longer and I’m in bed before 9 hoping to fall asleep listening to the radio.
There is so little to do in the house and garden now , nobody to share a meal with, a joke with or talk over a problem or piece of news.
We’d been renovating a cottage 150 miles away, it’s just about finished and were planning to sell up in a couple of years time and move there. Now I have no idea what to do.
People say "you need to rebuild your life " I had everything I’ve ever wanted and my whole life has disappeared . How can I rebuild it ? there is nothing I want now he’s gone.

I understand how you feel and I wish I could be more help, but your words echo how I feel - “lost and a mess without him.”

Do take care, J x

Thank you for your reply,and I am so sorry you have to feel like I do,we did not want this,I thought we would have many years ahead ,we all live knowing it happens in the end but you just don’t really think about it.Yes I feel its pointless,I wash up,Hoover,change bed and all the time in my mind I’m thinking what is the point,why bother,I clock watch as well,also I seem to be finding washing just for something to do,it’s very boring on your own,and I relate to not having much to do in the house now,the odd day I try to tell myself I need to think differently and things will get better,but that’s easier said than done,like you I was content with my life,we were married for 35 years,and I feel the same ,don’t want to rebuild a new life,so at the moment I will just keep dragging myself through each day,and not thinking about tomorrow,I actually look forward to sleep at night,it gives a brief break from the sadness,especially if they are in your dreams.You take care too,x

I am so sorry u have lost your beloved husband so early. We would have been married 50 years in August but I lost him to cancer last year in July but at least we had a good life together. It doesn’t help any tho. I, like u, go through motions every day. Cry so much it’s hurts…even 11 months on. I lost my don 4 years ago but we had each other & that did help but I am so alone now. I have friends but it’s not my husband. I miss him so much every day. I don’t see point on living! U wish I had gone to. I hate being here with no meaning in my life. I have 2 daughters but they have their lives & children & live away. One in Oz! I hope u cope betr than I am doing Robina. God bless. Xx Mo

Thank you Mo for your reply and kind words,yes I would have liked him in my life for longer,but I suppose it is hard whenever we lose them,we are never prepared for how horrendous it feels,yes I understand the feelings of being so alone even when with others in our family and friends,I take it one day at a time ,some days are worse than others,and yes I struggle to find a purpose and often ask myself what is the point,I am trying for my daughters and grandchildren to move forward through the grief,but it is very hard,I just hold on to the thought that one day when it’s my time I will be with him again,I am so sorry you are feeling like this,I can only say you are not alone,there are many everyday feeling as we do,I know that doesn’t help much,but sometimes it makes us feel like we are the only one feeling sadness,you take care and God Bless too xx

God bless you Robina. Words true- the emptiness is engulfing every day. I am normally a strong person-we all find the strength somehow. My youngest daughter single mum of 2 young boys. I love them dearly but looking after them is mammoth job now that I find I am unable to do. I wish she would understand and realise how badly I am still grieving & how I struggle at 70 to watch a 2 year old. Just can’t anymore. She struggles too as father is not the most helpful!! I feel sad I am not as young or able as I was to help her. Thanku for replying wen u r grieving so much also. I hope u find the strength to keep going. Xx Mo

Back to top