How do you find the strength to carry on?

I lost my mum suddenly 4 weeks ago and I am still so lost. I know my mum would want me to carry on and live my life. She told me all the time. But how do you find that strength? How do you keep going when your heart is so broken? Not only that but how do you find the strength to look after yourself? I’m not eating much and quite honestly personal hygiene is suffering too because I just dont see the point. But I know she would be so mad if I dont keep going and continue to make her proud.

At 32 I never thought I would end up living more of my life without my mum than with my mum. There is so much she won’t be here for and I just don’t know how to keep putting on foot in front of the other.

I see my life in 2 parts. The part with my mum and now the part without. I just cant believe she is gone. The pain is so unbearable.

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@RachaelMary I’m so sorry for the loss of ypur mum, it’s an unbearable heartache that seems like it will never end. But, it does get better. I lost my mum 18 months ago, it took me 18 months to open up about how i felt and still feel about losing her. It may spund corny,but its good to talk. This group has helped me realise that no matter what type of grief youre going through, there is someone who has suffered the same as you and is still suffering. Its reassuring sometimes when you read of someone who is going through the same, and how they’re coping.

Thank you for your reply Paul. It is utterly heartbreaking carrying on without my mum. There is a darkness i cant are a way out of right now.

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@RachaelMary you will definitely feel that way after only four weeks. I’m 39 and had expected my dad to live another 23 years. Ours was also a sudden loss. It’s truly horrendous and monumental, and you’ll feel all sorts of emotions. When we lost him I thought that I had died, and then when I realised I hadn’t I thought that I soon would. It’s the worst pain and I truly sympathise. With time, though, the space around the grief grows. It’s been 7 months, and I feel differently to how I did at week 4. Keep posting here. It helps. :yellow_heart:

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I’m so sorry @RachaelMary I feel as though I could have wrote this. I lost my mum last year, at 32 too. It feels far too young to be without her and feels so unfair. I’m still in shock tbh, although it’s not as raw as it was when it first happened.
But you’re right, u have to keep putting one foot infront of the other and live your life like your mum would want u to. I just go day by day, still find little to no joy in things, still heartbroken, still think about it all the time and it’s been 9 months. But I had a bit of counselling, I speak to friends and my partner, and I’m on antidepressants/antianxiety meds which has helped keep me going. Dont put any pressure on yourself, feel how u need to feel, grieve how you need to and I hope you have support. Here if u ever need to chat x

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Hi @RachaelMary
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum, it has been 4 months, and im heartbroken. My mum died suddendly and unexpectedly so the shock has been a huge factor and i think that impacts on the grief. I also like you cannot imagine life without her. I hadnt even thought about it before it happened. However, 4 weeks is so early and im not surprised you are in the place you are right now. Just allow yourself to be there, and feel what you feel, and try and focus on healing in the long run as you know thats what your mum would want. Like the other posts state it does help to share on here, and makes you realise what you are feeling is totally normal

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My mum passed away 3 1/2 weeks ago . I too feel absolutely lost and utterly heartbroken. I’m just wondering around in a daze…just about functioning… it wasn’t a complete shock as she was poorly but still nothing prepares you for a final end to life… I’m hoping once the funeral is over I can start to rebuild very slowly … that makes me feel guilty however … carrying on without her… :broken_heart:

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Hi @SBS
That sounds a familiar story of how you are. And its really early days too for you. I found the funeral did help, even though i was dreading it. But still i have episodes of disbelief of what actually has happened. Its so bloody sad