It’s been 4 months since I suddenly lost my partner, best friend and soulmate. She completed me and for the first time in my life, brought out the best in me. I had never been happier in my 43 years of life and had finally found someone who made life meaningful, my whole world revolved around her and now I just don’t know how to live anymore, the world just seems to be empty and without meaning anymore. I still cry everyday and the waves of emotion are something i’ve never experienced before, I crave comfort but only from her and I know i’ll never get that ever again. Not suicidal but struggling to find any meaning in life anymore and just feels like and existance rather than living after finally finding a woman who made life make sense. Just don’t know to make sense of it all or how to be me anymore.
I understand your pain . There is no time scale on how long we grieve for but we need to do it. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t feel guilty if you laugh or enjoy something . I try to keep myself busy it helps to take my mind off things and the fact that I have lost my teacher, my friend ,my guide, my husband . Some of us find we can move on quickly whilst others take more time neither way is wrong it’s what’s right for the individual who is grieving . I lost my husband three weeks ago and at the moment feel like you do “ can I go on . Do I want to go on” and I suppose the answer is yes but only when the time is right and who knows when that will be . Everything takes time it how we use that time and I’m sure our partners wouldn’t want us to be unhappy in any way so we have to do it for them if not ourselves . Take care and stay safe x
Thank you for your response and i’m sorry for your loss! Like us all i’m venting and reaching out to people who truly understand what i’m experiencing. Yes my partner would want me to be happy but I know she woud be feeling the same way if the roles were reversed.
We are the best people to support each other as we are all going through the same process although it’s at different speeds and levels but all the same . And yes we are venting I suppose it’s a part of the grieving process. I too would like to think my husband would be feeling what I’m feeling now but he was a mental health nurse so he would probably be applying coping strategies having said that nurses do make the worst patients . He wasn’t a patient for long only a few hours before he passed . I blame myself as I had to do cpr on him and just feel it was inadequate even though the hospital staff said I did manage to get him breathing again and gave him more time to allow me and the kids to be with him at the end .
I really understand that as I had to give my partner cpr until the paramedics arrived, I still torture myself as although I was told I did all I could i’ll never forgive myself as it was the first time I hadn’t saved her, she suffered from epilepsy and I had always been there or had been abe to save her but this time i’d went out for a walk for an hour and came home to find her. Kills me to know I wasn’t there and couldn’t save her this time. We both knew she could have a seizure that killed her at any moment ( no warning or signs before a siezure) but we’d spoken about this before as I suffer from severe mental health issuses and agreed we’d both be lost without each other guess its even harder through the covid situ as i’m completely alone now and never imagined a life without my soulmate!