I am 32, I lost my partner when I was 28. He was the love of my life, and the only man I’ve ever wanted to build my life with. It’s been nearly 4 years and I still don’t seem to be able to move forward. I’m at the age where it seems everyone around me is getting married and having children, and whilst I am happy for them, i feel is the overwhelming sadness that i’ve missed out on those things. We had been planning on trying for a baby before he died unexpectedly.
Everyone tells me he would want me to move on and be happy, and I’ve tried. But meeting someone else feels so false because I always find myself comparing everyone to him and they will always come up short. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone but I don’t see how I can be with anyone else.
How do you get over that guilt of wanting someone else in your life? I’m tired of doing everything alone.
Hello @RhiTom,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
Hi rhitom you are so young, do not feel guilty about any decision that you make. You need to do what is right for you and understand that is ok. It’s not about moving on because you will always have the love and memories of the lovely man who was in your life but sadly lost. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t ok to make memories with someone new if that feels right for you. Be guided by yourself rather than others, you will know what is right and let things happen naturally. Grief is hard and hits you in waves and probably always will. Take good care of yourself x
Hi RhiTom. Be kind to yourself. I accidently joined my wife’s book club. Elizabeth had Parkinson’s so I took her to the book club, left and returned later to collect her and take her home. On this occasion they were trying to decide on a book and I made the mistake of suggesting The Rosie Project. They decided that it would be their next book. I might have got away with it, but the next meeting was at our house, the host does coffee etc. So I could not leave and they insisted that I join the discussion. A few months later Elizabeth left me after 52 years, I did not attend the next book club. Three of the members phoned me and asked me to go to future meetings. The next meeting I felt Elizabeth was with me and when asked what book would I suggest I felt Elizabeth say "The L shaped room. I love the feeling that sometimes Elizabeth is still with me and encouraging me to get out and about. If you were looking down on him what would you want him to do ? I am sure your lost partner would be there encouraging you to get on with your life and live it to the full.
I think it’s normal to feel conflicted. So many emotions we have after a deep loss. We’re human and being alone isn’t easy. It won’t be the same relationship, but then you aren’t the same either. So, from where you are at now, you can find someone who can fit into your life and that you can love.