How do you start again on your own??

I don’t know how to start again. I woke up one morning five days before we were due to go on holiday and found my husband. I got him on the floor and did cpr but it didn’t work. It was so unexpected, we had been to a friends house the evening before and we were all laughing, joking having a game of cards and a few drinks. I feel like my life is over I just want to be with him.


I AM so sorry! Death unexpected is the worst. The shock as well as the loss. A great loss. My sympathies.
A friend of mine was found dead last week. The night before, he enjoyed a nice dinner with his family. Then his cleaning lady found him dead in his bed in the next morning.

Grief counseling is a good idea. It helped me a lot after losing my mom and dad why I still come to this board. Only time can help heal.


Oh Michelle
It happened to me as well. Although my husband wasn’t very well 2 weeks prior never in a million years did I expect him to die beside me in bed. My world came to an end in those minutes when I tried to revive him and failed. It’s been a year in a fortnight and it feels like yesterday. I wish I could say it gets easier but sadly it doesn’t.

Best wishes


I’m so sorry Michele2, the shock is immense, I know, my husband came home from work and I awoke at 3 am to here him struggling to breathe, I rang the paramedics but there was nothing they could do and an hour later he was gone, he was 48 and that was 7 months ago, but I relieve that last hour at least once a day, it feels like so long ago but also like yesterday, I exist in a strange no man’s land now, going through the motions but always lonely, the only thing that keeps me getting up each day are our children x


Oh Michelle that is so sad.
I wish I had all the answers but I don’t.

I lost my mum unexpectedly in January and although it’s only March I thought I had come to terms with it. If I’m honest i don’t think I have because the shock was so great I can’t seem to accept she will never come back.

Only you can work out what helps you cope. Try writing a list of what helps you feel better, even just little things because they all add up. Some days you will have a few things to add to your list and others you might feel nothing helps at all.

I have joined an online cafe / group for people who have suffered a loss is called good grief and we meet weekly / tomorrow at 12pm on Zoom. Check it out on Google and try and come. It’s helped me to talk to others going through the same thing.

In finding things so hard at moment but I’m positive I will get through it and no doubt you will too.

Hope that helps :slight_smile:

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I feel so alone, and nothing can make me feel any better. He was my everything. I’m just going through the motions. I feel it wasn’t just my husband I lost it was friends as well. The worse thing is I’ve got to wait until the end of August for an inquest nearly a year since he passed.

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So sorry for your loss. I can understand what you are going through. I lost my mom to a sudden cardiac arrest in January. She was only 58 and had no ailments. She was very fit. She is my whole world. My dad and mom were together for 40 years. He is totally broken. He keeps crying. I keep crying. Everything ended in one instance.
It’s so unfair. I think sudden losses are very difficult and feel impossible to cope with. I don’t know how to keep going without my mom. My dad said he has nothing left and will not survive for longer. I feel so bad for him.
I can’t say much to help you heal but please know that you are not alone. Talking here definitely helps. Please feel free to open up here. I also get grief counseling every week. I would recommend that too.
Sending some strength your way. Take care.


I am so sorry Michele. It is one year today since my husband went out for a run and never came back. I know how hard it is having to wait for answers - it took 7 months for me to get a death certificate and now my children have to have tests. There was no sense of urgency to give me answers. All I can say is that, one year on, the shock has subsided but my heart hurts just as much as it did back then. We were together from being at school and we just wanted a long and happy life together. It just wasn’t to be… Take care


@Jules4 hi jules my thoughts are with you today. Sending love and hugs x

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Thank you Casey - I hope you are doing ok as well. Take care

Thoughts with you today.

Thank you…

I think trying to cope with the unexpected is completely different to the terminal diagnosis…

Lost my wife before Christmas and we knew for years that things were going bad. We gave our villa back to Spanish bank and they were fabulous. We lost lots of money but we came home to her home town and family. Mine were scattered and not important. We played games, cards, fun without booze, we just enjoyed everyday together.

I find the silence is worst so the music is loud, but I hope to meet someone by chance and do what I can for the rest of my life n be happy within myself.

Happiness is a chance, not a guarantee. I can’t change my life, I sit n think and ask for her advice everyday, her support in any friendship I know I have whichever way it goes…

What I do want is quality sleep.

I truly hope that you find sanctuary in time xx



Thank you for your kind words mungo I know what you mean about sleep. I get about 3-4 hours a night just can’t shut off. Just want to wake up one morning and find him there beside me but I know that is not going to happen. We had so many plans, holidays booked, we were going to buy in Spain and live there everything is gone. Nothing matters anymore. I can’t wait until I go sleep and not wake up and meet up with him again.

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As long as you remember the good times and even bad times, it shows you care…! I had this ring made and is the only one I wear now. With some of her ashes. My 2 daughters have mine and their mums rings

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I too had some jewellery made from Johns ashes, a necklace for myself and his sister. This means I’ll always carry part of him around with me. :broken_heart:

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Beautiful ring I had a necklace made and I wear it everyday as well. My husband is with me always.

Morning Michele,
Only just seen your post. This must be so terrible for r you… My heart goes out to you. Your question was how do you start again on your own. I wish I knew I’m nearly 3 years without my darling husband. I’m still struggling with everyday things. Sending you my love I really hope that someone can answer your question. I’d like to. Know. I to still have counseling xx

Think the ring. Making is a wonderful thing to do. I had. My wedding ring and husbands engagement ring made into one. Which I wear h everyday. I feel then he’s with me all the time. … I see lots of us have problems with sleeping. I can’t remeb2 the last time in 3 years since I had. A. Good, night sleep… I was up. At 4.this.morning. Cuppa Tea. Trying to get back to sleep. Is hard. Good luck to everyone xx


Sadly due to injuries on duty years ago in police, not had decent sleep unless heavy morphine for 35yrs.

Now even worse with loss of my good lady. Children have had the gold, I have the ring which will go with me.

May time be kind to everyone here