How do your children cope?

so as some of you know I lost my partner last June to alcohol our daughter is 13 on Monday and I am really struggling with her at the moment she hardly goes to school they have offered support but she just wont accept it I am hoping things improve when her friend starts soon.

she has been through so much as her dad was drinking around her while i was out at work etc i didnt know he told her not to tell me. i know she is angry as she has bagged up his photos pot of ashes she wont have counselling.

her behaviour and attitude isnt great and i was very reluctant to give her presents but then think thats mean

any advice would be greatly appreciated

thank you

Dear Fg15,

It sounds to me that what your daughter needs most at the moment is for you to love her and to give her the space she needs to grieve in her own way and accept help when she is ready for it. Teenagers can find it hard to talk about feelings, and as mothers that can be difficult for us because it can feel like they are rejecting us, but they are not. Its hard not to take it personal when they seem to give us a hard time. Sometimes all we can do is just make sure they eat well, sleep well and know that we are always there for them. My son lost 3 grandparents in his teenage years. He was a bit older than your daughter, and there was no alcohol involved, but I know how hard it was for him. Like you, I was in touch with his school and they offered support, and he did have regular talks with someone,but he prefered to deal with it on his own or talk to his friends, either in person or online.

I don’t have any advice, but there are some organisations who have good advice on their websites on how to help teenagers deal with grief. Here are the links:

You may find some links on their pages for teenagers that you could text to your daughter, for her to look at in her own time.

I hope that you will be able to somehow make her birthday on Monday special for her.

Thank you i will look into those its hard enough when we are grieving aswell but hurts so much what my child has gone through
not been easy as she lost her great grandad in 2012 her grandad my dad in 2016 then her dad last year 2020 she cried when her dad died and at hos funeral but thats been it but even though she wont admit ahe is angry i know she is after all he has left her not intentionally i know that but she has lost a parent at a young age in a way that could have been prevented of only he had got help sooner but it was too late xx

That is such a lot to cope with for a girl her age. I can imagine she will have a lot of anger inside her, and maybe even feelings of guilt, wondering if she could have done anything to stop him from drinking. I hope that she won’t wait to long to take up the help her school has offered.
It must still be difficult for you too and I hope that you are supported by friends or family, so that you can provide the safe haven your daughter needs at this time. xx

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Thank you xx