Hi
I did not think it would so sorry for your loss and feeling crap.
X
Finding it hard going today and all I want is a hug and to be comforted by my wonderful husband. That would make it right immediately. How do we ever get out of this circular downward spiral?
Jules4, I know how you feel, if only, I just want to be with him and never let go. This is a downward spiral, its unbelievably hard. What ever I do I just think about him, it is not real our life now.
Sending you hugs x
I wish I could have some magic tricks to bring your love ones back so everything would be just right and this world could be a better place.
Today is not a good day for me either.
It’s just that it’s day after day after day. It’s relentless. I can get through today but for what? To get through another day….and then another. I so miss what I had.
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I miss those days when everyday I was trying to make my wife and daughter happy, buying stuff for them, planning the next holiday, discussing our daughter’s future, thinking about travelling around the world after retirement etc.
Now my life is just like an animal kind of existence not thinking about the past not thinking about the future just crawling through each day each hour each second. The worse part is god knows how long it is going to last…
gosh it’s consuming me…
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Dear Jules, yes that’s exactly how I feel- life has become meaningless, day after day for what? People tell me this gets better with time, but the clock goes round so slowly like a torture. I’m just hanging on praying for a miracle. A depression counsellor said ‘don’t believe what your brain is telling you’ so I’m clinging to that hope that I’m seeing things in a distorted way, and that will one day change.
i feel your pain hope it helps to no that i feel your pain its been a bad day for me today to no reason why it just comes in waves totally out of the blue stupid things could set me off a song a picture the worst is i still find myself thinking oh i will ring john and tell him that i still keep expecting him to come in on what would have been his morning break as he was a taxi driver before he went away to work
I keep expecting my husband to walk through the door because it seems incomprehensible that he won’t. I don’t know how to enjoy life without him.
@Jules4
I used to wait for my partner to walk through the door, but it’s hit me now that he’s not. Everyday is hard work, one minute I can manage housework then the next I’m crying my eyes out.
I wish I wasn’t here, I’m too scared to do anything stupid though, many people have these dark thoughts when grieving. I have my Sons to think of, they’ve already loss their Dad, I couldn’t let them lose me too. I’m living in hope, that’s all I can do.
Amy xx
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Dear Amy49
I feel the same, I see the pain on our kids faces and could not inflict any further agony on them so I am left to continue this sad existence until my time is called. Nine months on and still can hardly summons the energy or desire to look after myself so do the bare minimum in order to keep going. I sometimes get up with the best intentions then walk into the living room and my husband is not here and just sit and cry.
Jules4 as you say it is incomprehensible that our husband’s are no longer with us. This is not how I ever imagined my life to be. I often sit and look at one of our wedding photos. Full of hope and dreams and although we achieved so much together we still had so many other adventures to do together. I was so looking forward also to retiring and the both of us just sitting together doing noting. Instead I now have nothing and getting through the day is a challenge.
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Hi All, rightly or wrongly, I have today volunteered to do some hours at our local hospice where my husband went into for pain control before coming home and dying a week later. It has only been 8 weeks but I feel the time is right for me to do something productive and face a different life without him. Visiting was limited to 2 hours a day when he was in and that meant 22 hours on his own with staff popping in and out. He said it was a long day and night after I left. If I can just even alleviate someone’s long hours for a quick chat or a cup of tea if they want one, even if I only achieve that once a shift, I will feel like I might have helped someone through a dark day. It’s not for everyone I know that because we all grieve differently but I can’t envisage sitting day after day just missing the love of my life and seeing nothing but emptiness without him. I did a lot of anticipatory grieving too. I’m hoping it works out. Sending you all hope and strength x
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that was exactly what I wanted. She had suffered too much I just wanted to spoil her spend more time with her give her more joy. It’s never gonna to happen now.
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I’m reading this book that says we should focus on the present as the past has gone and we can’t control the future (and we all know that) but what is there in the present for me with him not here?
same here my house is a mess but i just got no motivation to do it x
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Dear Jules4
I agree. I have a few people keep saying you have your memories and take comfort from them but I want and so desperately need to be making memories everyday with my husband. The present for me is just surviving the day without him by my side.
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I always used to try to live in the present and enjoy each moment whilst looking back at the past with fondness. I was also always excited for the future, even though things often altered. I didn’t take things for granted. It still didn’t help though - life is cruel.
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Dear Jules4
I agree life is so cruel. I was furloughed for five months last year and we spent the time together just enjoying each others company thinking that this was what we had to look forward to in retirement only for it to be taken away in an instant.
I know that you and your family have suffered sudden loss and the additional trauma that this brings and I am so sorry.
Thank you. It just seems to be that the older I get, the less I understand. My husband’s death has caused such suffering. His mother is now in hospital, grief has taken its toll and she has shut off from reality and given up, my kids are suffering and obviously I am. Life does not make sense. Sending hugs
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