How i lost my mum

Christmas is a really hard time for me,2020 was the worst Christmas i’d ever had.
On the 29th November my mother had a stroke and by the time the ambulance arrived it was too late the stroke had done the damage. It took three hours for the ambulance to arrive which is a lifetime when your having a stroke.
The hospital is at the most 5 minutes walk away from the house.The first time i saw my mother was a week later as because of covid we werent allowed.When we saw her she was in an induced coma, Then the doctors said there was nothing they could do they wanted to let her go and we had to make the decision. She eventually was taken off the ventilator.We were told she will either die or she will start breathing on her own.

She was taken off the ventilator.We were then told she was in a vegative state.We were allowed to visit and we sat with her day in day out.She was constantly getting chest infections because she had aspiration pneumonia.The mother i knew was gone and we were left with someone who couldnt speak, move, most of her body was paralysed.I had a breakdown after this point.I was meant to be getting ready for Christmas not watching my mother die.
Christmas Eve she came out of the vegative state and she was able to speak.The doctors had gotten it wrong, but because of the aspiration pneumonia her body was too weak.The care she received wasnt great.She was basically seen as a lost cause.

Someone who was never going to survive.She started to get better.Then she got covid and this was the beginning of the end.She was battling for every breath it was heartbreaking to see someone you love in this state.She fought through covid but the aspiration pneumonia was still killing her.

One night we were told her oxygen levels were too low and this was the end but she survived the night.The doctors were shocked they couldnt understand how she was still alive.By this time it was the beginning of February.She passed away on the 2nd February.

The night before i went to see her i wanted to stay but by this point i was really struggling with severe depression and i didnt stay for long.I said goodbye and that was the last thing i said to her.The next day her lung collapsed and we were told there was nothing more they could do, they slowly decreased her oxygen levels until she eventually passed away.My mother went through absolute hell but she never gave up she fought till the end.Even when the doctors wanted to give up on her.


It sounds like your mum was an incredibly strong woman, @StarHeart. I can hear what a difficult time of year this is for you, so I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” - hopefully someone will be along to offer their support.

Hi @StarHeart that sounds like such an ordeal, I’m so sorry your mum and you had to go through that. She sounds so strong, like my mum. My mum also suffered a stroke. She already had lung cancer (diagnosed late, she didn’t realise until it was stage 4) but the treatment option was good. She was only 4 days away from starting the cancer treatment which could have gave her many more years alive, when she suffered the stroke. The stroke robbed her of her chance for treatment. The Dr’s said she was too weak from the stroke to have her treatment, but she spent 5 long weeks in hospital fighting and fighting to get better and fit enough for her treatment. She overcame so many odds when her breathing kept getting worse, and the Dr’s made a mistake in a test they did and collapsed her lung! But she still overcame it all and fought and was so strong even though it was all so scary. But then, one night everything got worse, and she was gone the next day. I was with her, because the Dr’s warned me it might happen, and again I fought with them to let her have her cancer treatment if it was the only thing that would save her, but they wouldn’t, they said she couldn’t handle it. But she tried so hard and improved so much, even when she was operating with only 1 lung! So I know what you mean - she also went through hell, didn’t give up, even though the Dr’s did.

I always believed in her, so I couldn’t believe it when she actually passed away. I still can’t believe it. I told her how proud I was of her for trying so hard, but I really hope she heard me, as it was all so traumatic, and it all happened so quickly at the end with no time to process.

Not sure how I’ll cope with Christmas - this is my first one without her. I’m sure I’ll pop on here over the Christmas season if you are feeling low and ever want to chat x

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Hi Woo4
I’m so sorry you’ve been through such as a horrible and devastating time.
Your mum was so strong and such a fighter.
The first christmas for me was surreal i just couldn’t take in everything that had happened. I was just numb and in shock. It felt so unfair. We fought for 3 months to try and help my mum survive.I think it makes such a big difference to someones recovery when they have family visiting all the time.
Everytime we left the hospital my mum would go downhill and get worse.
Im sort of use to christmas now.I know christmas is not going away so i just try and get on with it.
Thank you for reading my story and I’m hear if you just want someone to talk to.

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Thank you for the support.

Thanks for getting back to me @StarHeart. You’re exactly right, I think being there helped my mum massively. When I wasn’t there, she was scared, and that made her breathing worse, and as you said, that’s when things go downhill. I agree it still feels so surreal for me at the moment, I don’t know how it’s possible my mum isn’t here. It’s shocking, and will take me a long time to process. Hope you’re doing OK, and here also if you want to talk. It’s comforting talking to someone a bit further down the road from me, who can offer their wisdom like you have x