It is 23 months today from my lovely son died in an accident and the tears are flowing. It’s maybe because it’s close to the 2nd anniversary but so many thoughts in my head. Every day I ask how am I going to continue… but of course we do. I ache for him. I miss him. I cry for the life he hasn’t got to live. I ask why am I here instead of him. I have to live for my daughter, she deserves a chance at life. She’s a lovely girl and was so close to her brother. She is now an only child, I often think of that. I thought they would have each other when I go. So many suffer in this world, so much pain. And yet so many live life’s untouched by suffering and they don’t even appreciate it. I’m just rambling now. To much time to think these days. Love to everyone 
Orchard, I feel your grief and understand why you say about your feelings and emotions and you are right about having to much time at present. I find somedays far to long and wonder if the clock as stopped. Your little girl must give you so much pleasure and joy. I had two boys and would have loved to have had a girl but knowing myself I think I would have wanted her to be a bit of a Tom boy. It’s nearly two years now and I wonder if you have had any counselling and if it would help you with your grief. Grief is a funny thing, it does have an habit of not wanting us to move forward, constantly pulling us back into the dark hole, not wanting to let go. It tells us that we must carry this big load for ever but honesty we can reduce some of that load, never all of it but a little so making life a little easier to live with. It’s hard and horrible to loss someone we love but life doesn’t standstill and your little girl needs to see a happy mummy. Think how you can help her to see that happy mummy. Take care and give her a big hug from me. S xx