I was going through acceptence of my mums passing on Nov 23. But now I seem to be in denial. And still have flashbacks of her final days. Is this normal?
Im not sure now. I went to hypnotherapy yesterday, and she agreed with me when i said i shouldn’t be still having flashbacks. And still think of mum every day.
Any thoughts?
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I am sorry to hear of the sad loss of your mother. My 33 year old son died on 29th November. I think about him constantly, still remember the day we found out he had left us, and continue to cry many times throughout the day. So I am not sure what your hypnotherapist is talking about. Of course you will still be grieving and having flashbacks after such a short time. I suggest you read some of the other posts on this website which will confirm that it is perfectly normal to feel this way.
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Oh my goodness. Get rid of that hypnotherapist. I lost my daughter on 26/11/24. I found her. I still everyday see the moment i walked in and found her dead. I can still ‘feel’ the kisses i gave her on her cheek and forehead, whilst screaming no. I think of my daughter constantly. I no longer cry every hour I am awake but still have days where I will cry for what I’ve list abs more importantly what she has lost. I have a grief counsellor who has encouraged me to remember all I can and face it head on so it doesn’t fear me. I know everyone is different in their grief. But follow your gut instinct.
Hugs.
Sending you
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Get rid, there is no normal here. What’s important is you deal with it in the best way you can
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Thank you for your replies.
She asked me “Are you still grieving?” And of course I replied yes. But then i thought am I wrong here should i not be?
She made me doubt myself.
I spoke to my husband who said. Well some people will think they were a good age it was their time to go. So wont be grieving like me.
What do you think?
She did say it was normal to be in denial
Oh my goodness @Cadburys52 i cant believe she asked you that ! She may be a very competent hypnotherapist but her response suggests she has no understanding of grief, so i would maybe think twice about whether shes going to be able to offer the support you need 
I lost my mum around the same time as you and yes, im still grieving, and i think of her every day - why wouldnt I - shes my Mum! And any grief therapist would tell you thats ok - there is no timeline on grief. If you are experiencing flashbacks, it might be that you are suffering with trauma/ptsd, so it might be worth you doing some reading around that area to see if it sounds familiar. I know of grieving friends who have accessed specialist ptsd support for their grief via their GP so it might be worth speaking to you doctor. If you have struggled to get much support until now, or if you havent been able to speak about your memories, it may be that the flashbacks are there because your brain wants to process what’s happened but hasnt yet had that opportunity. Have you considered counselling at all?
I have had hypnotherapy myself many years ago for a different issue, so i am not against hypnotherapy, but for me her comments are a real concern that you’re not going to get the support you need and deserve Just my humble opinion 
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If you’re interested in learning more from some qualified grief therapists, some people Ive found really helpful are David Kessler and Megan Devine - both have Instagram accounts with useful videos and guidance, David also has a series of podcasts on Spotify, and Megan has a book “Its ok that you’re not ok”. They are therapists who have personally experienced loss and for me Ive found their material really useful. im sure others here might have some more recommendations!
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Their is no time limit to grieving someone I lost my fiancé Summer 2023 and have grieved every since they say grief is love with no place to go people tell me to move on or go meet someone else I don’t want to meet anyone else and have no intentions doing so either but I am going to our friends birthday this weekend because my fiancé and him are DJ and he loved his music 
he would want be to carry on with life I have been told by my doctor I’d you grieve too much it will make you poorly but it’s how you deal with grief I find comfort knowing his youngest daughter contacts me now and then I wish I could have saved him but I couldn’t suicide and drinking was all h head in mind and even theraphy didn’t help I miss him so much we only had 3 years together never got chance to marry and he was only 51
Thank you so much for your reply.
Yes I have had counselling via work. She was good and told me about all the people apart from myself who are struggling after years. Also i have been to a support group with a church.
I was ok then it comes back to hit me.
I will go to my GP and ask for PTSD support thank you!!
Ally6 how are you doing? Im sorry for your lossxx
Thank you I will listen to the podcasts.xx
Eveybabes im sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your support.xx
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Your very welcome xx
There are no shoulds in grief and if she made you doubt yourself, don’t go there again. Also, it doesn’t matter how old someone is, you still grieve when they leave you and let no one tell you differently. I have flashbacks of losing my father after well over a year and I still think of my mum every single day and I lost her over a decade ago.
I’ll echo Ally and suggest trauma counselling. It can be helpful, especially with flashbacks.
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Thank you Ulma you are right. Yes I think you lost your dad around same time as I lost my mum.
How are you?
Do you have counselling ?
Xx
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I think so too. It seems to me the second year is worse in some ways. The shock is gone and a sense of pointlessness has set in that is impossible to shake. 
I’ve had three rounds of counselling, not sure if it did much, and am thinking of trying for another. I have to go private this time, though, so it’s a matter of costs as well.
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Can I please just say that grief has no time limit.
You will grieve for your loss in a completely different way to how I grieved for my loss.
You will never get over your loss, and nor should you.
What you can and will do is learn how to deal with your loss, our loved ones in spirit are not hurting, they are at peace, it us who are hurting through our loss.
People often say the first year is the hardest. From experience I can safely say the second and the third are probably harder.
In the first year we have that amazing support network around us when it comes to all the anniversary dates, birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc.
But after the first year they kind of drift off, not because they don’t care, they just feel we have learned to adjust and accept things the way they are
So the second year and beyond can feel lonely.
And always remember, the only reason you hurt so much, is because you loved that person so much. How wonderful is that.
imagine what it would say about the love we held for someone who has passed to spirit, if we didn’t hurt at all.
God bless you x
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You are so right grief is love with no place to go you just bring it with you every day I lost my fiancé 2023 July he was only 51 the first year everyone’s their to comfort you second years the worse not saying I haven’t support but like you said they drift I find weekends especially hard as he was a local DJ and I went with him to some amazing weddings and places I’m actually going to a party tonight where he use to DJ but I know he’ll be their in spirit it’s one of his friends 50 th he has also visit few times after his passing I believe in the after life sorry for your lost may god be with you