How many do I have to loose

Hi all
My first post

On the 9th of July 2020, I lost my nan who was 100 and fighting fit until a hip fracture that turned into 3 months of hell for her.
On the 24th of June 2021, I lost my granddaughter who was 11 days old, she died of genetic complications.
On the 9th of July 2022, I lost my mom two years to the day her mother died, this was a massive shock and quite sudden.
On the 20th of august 2022 (just 6 weeks after losing my mom), I lost my dad to a four-year battle with cancer.

And here I stand before you all waiting for the answer and relief that will not come till my name is next on the list a long time down the road of life I hope.

I have found that I am now getting flashbacks of my nan as she passed, the despair on my daughter’s face as my granddaughter passed, my mom in discomfort and fear just an hour before she passed and my dad lying there lifeless after he passed.
The nightmares are leaving me with maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night to the point that my smartwatch told me to get some sleep or it is going to leave and find another wrist that’s more chilled than mine.

So am I coping? I thought so until I had a chat with Cruise and found myself here numbly writing out this post totally emotionless, drained and not knowing what to expect for the future as a 40+ orphan.



Your story sounds awful you have been though so much grief in such a short time no wonder your head is in a spin. Just take it day by day and be kind to yourself. It makes you wonder if there is a god up there and if there is why does he make us suffer so much pain. Sending you a hug xx

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You have went through so much. I have been told I am also in complicated grief due to losing my brother mum and sister so close together. It’s a nightmare to cope. Just wish we could hibernate for months. I don’t want to be around people that want me to buck up. I’m not there yet.