Hi everyone, sorry it is me again.
I feel you are going to hear from me a lot over the coming weeks and months.
Do you mind me asking how many times if any did you visit your loved ones between them passing and the funeral?
We have been twice up to now, my son wants to go again today and he has said he wants to keep going.
As he is 13 I will be there to support him. The second time was harder than the first for me, I am struggling with how his mouth looks. I also would visit him again as the guilt would consume me as I feel I have abandoned him.
I understand if none of you want to answer this question.
Thankyou x
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Dear Toni
This is something very English my wife died on Christmas day the next day was her funeral and on Saturday was her cremation . From her death to being alone in my house took less the three days. Had my wife been in a funeral parlour near my house I would probably have visited her every day through I remember finding little connection to her body when she died. It really is just a vessel, the amazing spirit of a loved one is what we love and cherish. You have the added issue of your son which makes almost impossible for you not take him. Have you got other family members who could help you. Some people take little notes, letters or prayers to leave with the loved one, which might make it easier for you both.
I hope that if you carry on with the visits, you can use the experience to help both of you feel more at peace.
Wishing you all the strength you will need.
All the best
Tom
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I never went to see my husband. He died in bed next to me holding my hand. Afterwards it felt as if “he” was no longer there. As if his “life force” had gone and only a shell was left. I had said all my goodbyes. Also at the end of a long illness this was not the image if him that I wanted to remember. Maybe I would have felt differently if I had not been with him when he died. If there had been a young or vulnerable relative who wanted to see him I would have done that though as many times as they needed.
Paradoxically, I really wanted his ashes home.
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From him passing to the funeral is a full month, we are half way through. The first week was registering his death and the funeral director getting him ready. My son has left him a bible and a cross that he gave him. I am in the middle of writing a letter to leave with him.
Other family don’t want to go back, they may go the day before the funeral. So it is just myself and our son.
Thanks again for your kind words, they have helped during this living nightmare.
I am sorry you lost your wife, especially on Christmas day, my mum was murdered on Christmas day when I was 16, so Christmas is never really the same.
Sending you lots of love to you x
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Yes, I was with him at home but he wasn’t asleep and I performed CPR.
His face afterwards troubled me so I wanted to see him.
I am so glad for you that it was so peaceful and you were holding his hand. I keep thinking I wish I was holding his hand. We think he knew.
Thankyou so much x
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Dear Toni I am so sorry to hear about your mum. What a terrible thing for you to carry. At sixteen to have that happen must have caused you such pain and anguish, leaving you scarred.
I hope you find the best solution with your son I know it must be difficult to work out what is the the right course to take. Does your son have a therapist who might help you decide on how to tackle the situation?
Wishing you all the strength you will need
Tom
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Hi sorry for your loss, when my partner died suddenly it was just under 4 weeks before he was buried as there was a delay because of the post mortem. I saw him once at the funeral parlour about a week before the funeral. I’m glad I saw him although I didn’t like where the funeral parlour was situated. It was nice inside but beside an industrial estate.
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