I lost my mum back in 2013 just before that life was going well, gave birth to a DD and 11months later my mums died, I found my mum dead in a hospital bed no warning from nurse or doctor that she had died, this has been damaging mentally as i was just rubbing and nudging my mums arm to wake her up thinking nothing of it, then realised she had passed, I thought she was still alive as my mum was acttached to an oxygen machine that was helping her breath so she looked like she was still breathing. I really don’t know how to feel mum was poorly but didn’t realise the extent as mum was a very proud woman she wouldn’t let things out which frustrated me as I am an only child and we were close, I do and don’t except that mum has gone, there will be time I just burst into tears and some days I think she will be coming through the door any minute. How should I Feel.
i am so very sorry for your loss and acknowledge that the pain is still very deep.
my only suggestion is, remove the word “SHOULD” from that last phrase. it is just “how i feel”.
with grief and any other emotions, there is no should or shouldn’t or right or wrong. there is no yardstick, there is no time limit, time scale, deadline nor there is any competition.
how you feel is personal to you
welcome/embrace and let the feelings come and go. don’t judge it, don’t try to change it but treat it as though it’s like the clouds that passes by in the sky…and you are the sun (or moon). and no matter how many clouds pass by, the sun will always be there shining bright and full of life and energy. just watch the clouds pass you by because they DO pass you by. they may come again, but as the natural of things, they will pass you by again.
as i’ve mentioned in previous posts, label or name your feelings. say to yourself, THIS is what sadness feels like, THIS is what pain feels like, THIS is what grief feels like…i don’t know how, but by doing this, you are less overwhelmed.
remember you are MORE than just your feelings. so you can also say SOMETHING inside me feels lost or SOMETHING inside me feels anger. this way, just like the sun, you are bigger than the sum of your emotions.
i wish you well and may you find solace and happiness wherever you are.