My husband past away just over two years now, i went through the stages of grief after his funeral and i really thought i started to accept and adapt to the new norm my life had become but lately my emotions have been all over the place crying all of a sudden, scrolling through social media platforms so.not to go to sleep and when i do i wake up 2 or 3 times during the night then in the morning i have got to get ready for a full days work. My family and friends are supportive but i dont like to be a.burden on people. I refused to go down the.road of medication cos i didnt want to become dependent on them a friend suggested counselling saying i need it and whilst looking through the Internet i came across this site in reading other peoples circumstances i can totally relate so i just want to say thank you and if anyone has any guidance on how not necessarily get over my grief but able to live with it better it would be very helpful thank-you x
I’ve had bereavement counselling. I found it really helpful.
A safe space to dump all the horrors going round in my head, a place to cry without feeling judged, someone to talk to about my partner when no one else mentioned him…
It’s not for everyone. You need to be comfortable with the counsellor. And I found the first session incredibly uncomfortable because i didn’t really know what to expect.
I’m not ‘healed’ but I’ve begun to come to terms with some stuff and I’ve learned a few coping mechanisms.
Hi @Kittycat1972 you can often read or be told that your grief and bereavement follows a pattern or you go through stages unfortunately they don’t say in what order this happens! generally what you read on this forum doesn’t subscribe to this and that happens in this or that order or time, I am coming up to 5 months since the sudden and unexpected death of my wife through a cardiac arrest, there are people on here who have been on this journey for many months even years, I also have a couple of friends and customers who are now 6, 10 and even 20 years down this path, they all have periods when they feel they have gone backwards, the loss of a love one never goes away, you don’t get over it and you don’t move on, you move forward taking it with you, if you accept that this is the case the only option you have is to continue to learn to cope, coping does become easier and then you can adapt your life how you see fit but as long as you are acknowledging the life and death of a loved one it’s inevitable that you will have moments or longer periods of reliving the pain you felt earlier. I lost my son over 20 years ago and I can still have periods where I need to cry for him, sadly I have now lost my wife as well and i expect to grieve for her and my son for the rest of my life and I would not want it any other way.
Take care and do use the huge amount of experience that people on this forum have because we are all dealing with this horrible new life.
@swift, thank you. I totally agree regarding the stages i intend to go back to the previous stage i thought i acheived if this makes sense. The days seem to roll into one like groundhog day i now this is the new norm for me however am still adjusting to it hopefully in time i will learn to accept.
@S_Diva thank you, counselling has been mentioned to me by friends and family like your inital feeling of being uncomfortable I’m apprehensive that once I open up to a stranger about my feelings the verbal floodgates will open. However it may be the ideal help i need
I’m 18 months on from the sudden unexpected death of my partner.
Today I’m good, life is good and life goes on. I initially had counselling and found this a good outlet to talk, about us, about this death, my feelings about that, doing it in a safe space with someone who didn’t know him and wouldn’t be affected by what i said.
Due to his sudden death and the impact it had on my life, I live day to day and take from it what I can. I don’t plan too much and I have no expectations of those plans.
I found this site a few weeks after my partner died and through this site I found many friends and we communicate off site now, meet up and even have breaks away together. For me it’s been life changing and a huge support to have found this site.
At one point I needed to be surrounded by people who just ‘got it’ and understood but now I find being around grief all the time is not good for me and I do need some normality.
I want to move forward and find a life that has fun in it, more good times, maybe even another partner to share life with. I don’t choose to be alone forever but if that is my fate then I’m happy with that too.
Life is cruel and unpredictable but it can also be fun, exciting and worth having. I chose to live in the moment and embrace what it brings. I live the life my partner would want for me.
I still have bad days, I can still cry myself to sleep and I embrace these days too, as it’s important to let it out but I also know the wave will pass and I will be ok.
I also have to remember that sometimes it might not be the grief that is making me feel so low, there may be other things for me and i have to keep them in check. It’s easy to assume that grief is the reason you feel a certain way but it may be something else along with it. I hope that makes sense lol.
We will all be living with the pain of loss for life, regardless of how we move on from it. It’s will live along side us always.
Best wishes