Nine months ago a friend died. His wife remains disconsolate. How can she be helped?
1 Like
Maybe she could go see her doctor get some counselling. Also let her know your there for her, grief affects people differently just got to let her grieve in her own way.
1 Like
It has already been said but grief can look very different from person to person & be experienced in so many ways.
For us as a family we needed friends who would be there for us, with no expectations from us. Friends who would not offer advice or ask us to make too many decisions. It may sound silly but at times we were too weary to ask for help. The “let us know what we can do for you? How can we help?” would have been better if someine said “I’ll come tomorrow & take some ironing away to do for you”, or “when’s your next appointment? I’ll take you”, or “I am free tomorrow, I can come and just sit with you”.
In the early days my head & heart were screaming inside me that the only way anyone could help was by bringing my husband back to us. And the things that wern’t at all helpful were comments and advice on how I “ought to be” grieving, how our children “ought to be behaving”, how someone “knew exactly” what we were going through, that we “needed to be with others”.
The best help were the quiet love & care of friends just popping in for a few minutes, the “can I take you out for a cup of tea before the children get back from school?”, the including us in plans even if we wern’t up to attending because it let us know others cared, others felt pur pain, others were aware that this new creature called grief had invaded our lives but didn’t define us.
I think it is commendable and wonderful that you have shared your post to help another with their grief - coz am guessing you are grieving your friend & need love & care too x
3 Likes
Thank you for your very kind perceptions. You put into words feelings and thoughts that we recognise as being of help to her, as well as those which are not. Both have value - those to pursue and develop - those to avoid and reject. It’s good to have some positive affirmation and reinforcement of things that help to comfort her. We can better see that our little bits of support have been of some value. Many thanks.
1 Like