How to cope after loosing mum?

Losing a parent
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I recently lost my mum in May very suddenly her heart just stopped. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, it was very hard as people kept saying remember to look after your self. ( I did the best I could.)

I feel now having had my daughter, she has kept me busy and in a good routine as my son is back in school, but I am now struggling to accept that she’s gone.

Out of the four of us I was the closest to her, we would go places on the weekend and I could talk to her about anything.

I still go to her house to see my step dad as he has been really good to me but I always come from there and get really upset that night, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how Im suppose to live without her, I miss her so much.

4 Likes
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Hi singer 123 sorry to hear the loss of your mum its really tough losing a loved one no one can prepare you for it, I lost my dear mum in July this year and I’m really struggling too, nothing seems the same I know it never will be, the emotional struggle we face is so exhausting I feel like I’ve slept ok but always get up feeling so washed out, I’m having counselling sessions starting soon hoping talking to someone outside the family will help, the guilt that she isn’t here is hard to cope with and like yourself find myself crying and wondering how I’m supposed to live without her now I miss her so much, have you thought of any counselling? It’s a dark road we are all on & I really don’t know when or if it will stop I was told take a day at a time which is still tough, messaging on here helps to know other people are going through the same pain and understand, keep messaging on here there’s always someone to chat to, thinking of you, big hugs.
Lynn x

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Hi singer123,

I’m so very sorry to hear about your mum. I also lost my mum in may this year. I’m 20 years old and I was very close to her, similar to how you described.

You’ve done so well to go on without her, to also be a mother while your grieving and to take care of yourself. Try to focus on all the achievements you have made and how much your mum would be proud of you for keeping going despite the sadness.

All I can offer is reassurance that you are doing an amazing job and that everything and anything you feel is completely normal and valid. It’s okay to be sad, especially after coming from her house. I still live in the house me and mum shared, it’s difficult at times but I try and remember all the happy memories it holds.

It’s great that you’re reaching out for support and it shows a lot of strength within you. Try to hold onto the fact that you’re still going and that is something to be very proud of.

Sending you so much warmth and hugs

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Hi Lynn

I am so sorry to hear about your mum also, I have been thinking of getting councelling, how did u do this? As the number I got off the health visitor 1st number didn’t work then 2nd one no one was available. I have also spoken to the doctor when I had my 6 week check with my baby but I was told that it sounds like the normal symptoms of grieving they didn’t really offer me help.
It seems as though we r both feeling the same, you will have to let me know how u get on
Thank u for your reply

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Hi chasingalaxis

Thank you so much for some very kind words and reassurance, sometimes it’s nice to hear someone say your doing OK lol.
So sorry for your loss as well, I hope you are also doing OK
Lots of hugs

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Hi singer 123 I rang cruse and they put me on a waiting list for an assessment which I had nearly two weeks ago and they said it should be another 3 weeks before a counsellor will be available it does seem a long time before you get started but I feel it will be worth it, give cruse a ring and leave a voice mail if theres no one to take your call they do get back to you, hope this helps
Lynn x

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Hi Singer123,

Did you know that Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service? This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling​

All the best,
Hazel
Online Community Team

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Lynn thank you so much I have phoned the number but there wasn’t anyone available and I couldn’t hold or leave a message. Are you able to give me the number you tried?
Thank u

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Hi @Singer123,

Unfortunately, i feel what you’re going through too. However, im only 5 weeks into it. Its been a really mixed, emotional 5 weeks. One second i am ok and i actually think to myself 'yes you are doing well, you are coping, you are going through the grief process and will come out of the other side ok and still holding it together. But then, some days, completely out of nowhere, it just hits me and bowls me over.

I imagine it must have been especially hard for you, happening at that time during your pregnancy, and unlike you, i did have a little time (albeit only a few short weeks) to get my head around what was going to happen.

I think losing a parent is a strange loss in that they are literally the person that brought you into this world - your anchor to this world if you like; and for them to no longer be there, you kind of just feel like you’re not anchored anymore, and in some kind of free-float.

Its very lonely, especially when you dont know other people of a similar age who have experienced such a significant loss before. They want to help but they just cant comprehend how horrible it feels and the fact that it just churns you up inside. After 5 long weeks, we finally have the funeral this Friday and i am dreading it. It will open up the wound further.

I, like you, was incredibly close to my mum, and out of everyone was the one who spoke to and saw her the most. Always on the phone nattering away about something. I miss those chats with her, i really do.

You’re not alone in how you are feeling; i know it doesnt make it better, or take the pain away, but i know your grief and i can only tell you what i keep telling myself, - it will get easier and more manageable. I dont think it will ever ‘not hurt’ - i think the best we can hope for and what we should aim for each day, is to live in a way that would make our Mums so proud as they watch over us.

I hope you find some peace amongst your grief.

Bev x

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Hi singer 123, the number I tried was,0808 808 1677 I rang them about 4pm and left a message and they rang me back a couple of days after, hope this helps
Lynn x

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Hi singer 123, I lost my mum nearly 4 years ago, and I still feel as bad as the day she passed. She was originally diagnosed with a bladder infection and then with viral gastoenteritist, but she actually had bladder cancer. By the time she was diagnosed it was too late. She went into hospital on Saturday the 28 th July and died on Sunday the 5th of August. I still feel guilty as I did not realise how ill she was. I miss my mum every day and I don’t feel that I should be happy. My mum wasn’t just my mum but also my best friend and my rock. I feel that some of my friends think I should be over the loss of mum by now, but I don’t think they really know how I’m feeling. I hope that you will feel better soon, although I can’t say I will feel better any time soon. Pam