Hello everyone.
My story I think maybe a unique one, but if anyone has gone through this I will gladly take any advice. It is a long one so please bear with me.
About 10 years ago my dad developed COPD from decades of working in the roads. His health has over the years deteriorated, I had a feeling I would loose him soon.
In the middle of February last year he called my mum ( for reference they separated when I was young, he still lived in England) According to her he did not sound like himself and was struggling to breathe. Under her advice he called a dr and was given a prescription.That was the last time either of us heard from him. A few weeks later my mum asked if I had heard from him. He generally didn’t contact me much as he didn’t like disturbing me as I had a business to run and an autistic child to raise. I hadn’t heard from him so tried calling, his mobile just kept ringing. My uncle lived in the same town as dad, so he went by his flat to check on him,no answer at the door. The police were called for a welfare check, again no answer but were were informed my dad was out of the country.We thought he may have gone to Thailand as he often went there and was planning on having surgery there for a broken wrist. Aftrr we a week or two if calling , I contacted the Thai embassy to see if they could check if he was in the country. Week after week I tried calling my dad but the phone just kept ringing. On the 13th May the police came to my door to inform me that my dad had been found dead in his flat, his body in quite a bad condition. Mentally I went into organising mode.i had to travel to clear his flat, arrange his funeral and sort out his finances. It didn’t help I was going through the process of redundancy with my employer. An enquiry had to be opened as the autopsy and toxicology reports could not find COD. I recieved a copy of the enquiry report in August. So much was going on from when I found out about my father’s passing and the delivery of the report that did not have time to process everything. It wasn’t until November around the time of my birthday that it did. Whilst clearing his flat I had summit a few points about his death, which were backed up in the report. There are so many things that are crushing me now; the fact that he had been there for so long, the image of how he was when he was found , the fact that he probably suffered, alone, in his final hours. It is the only memory of my dad that I have now that I think about. I’m angry with the police for misinforming me about my dad being abroad ( an officer stated they made the mistake but failed to inform me of it).It is coming up for the first anniversary of when we thing he actually died. I am finding it difficult to focus at work, so much so that I’m having to ask for my current role to be changed temporarily. I feel like bad person for not doing more than I did. I don’t know how to try to move on from this traumatic event, I know my dad would not want me to dwell and be sad.How do allow my grief to pass?
Thank you for your time ,
Sara