@Patsy219 I am not sure if this is ok to talk about on here but I do hope you’ve been to see doctor and are on mood levelling medication. It’s not a fix it’s a sticky plaster which will help a little.
You’ve had the biggest, gut wrenching loss and I feel it too.
Due to the circumstances of my partner’s death I’ve been in shock for a long time.
I recently started struggling with anxiety so much so that I couldn’t leave my home. The last three nights I haven’t had a good sleep which doesn’t help.
I had courage this morning and went to the doctors and have been prescribed beta blockers.
Sitting out in the sunshine helps me. As also mentioned - exercise helps. I have just started going out for a walk each day. I don’t like it as I feel exposed. I miss walking with my partner and holding his hand. I have a gym membership I don’t use as I don’t want to be around people. Maybe that will change in time?
I hope you have friends who reach out to you? I know they don’t understand but if they are true friends they will try to.
I’ve got a long term ‘friend’ who I have had to distance myself from as I realised she is selfish and shallow not thinking about how she speaks to me and how the questions she asks might affect me. Even when I’ve said “no - subject closed” she’s asked again.
I’m a returned christian since my bereavement. I’ve realised it is helping me get through each day, even the very dark ones like yesterday.
Always here for you x
Thank you very much
Hi Nightwish, I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear wife. I’ve had a shower and a wee snack, helps a tiny bit. Northumberland is a lovely county. Yes the sun is shining here, I sat outside for a bit, back garden very private. Maybe we can have a virtual walk tomorrow! Thank you for caring. X
Thank you Pebblebay for your kind words. So sorry for the loss of your dear partner. I think I’m very much like you. I’ve been going for walks, but the past few days I haven’t, I don’t want to see anyone . Doctor put me on antidepressants eight weeks ago, I know it takes time for them to start to help a bit , if anything I think I feel worse so I’m going to give it another week, if no better I’ll ask for another appointment. Sorry to hear about your friend!! Sometimes I think people don’t know what to say, but think it would be better if they said nothing. I have no close friends, it was just the two of us, my husband could be quite difficult at times but I loved him dearly. I have Christian faith, though not a regular Church goer and I believe we will meet again. We’re all here for each other on this forum, helps me to know I’m not alone. Xx
I hope your day brightened just a little with the sunshine?
I’m so sorry for your losses. Be kind to yourself - that’s what people tell me
It took a major crash in mood for me to up the dose of antidepressants I was on. I didn’t want to be a zombie? I still sometimes think this isn’t actually real.
I’ve always had mood fluctuations so I was on minimum dose and had been for years.
Medication isn’t for everyone and it isn’t a one size fits all but I’m glad you are thinking about going to speak to the doctor.
My partner was my favourite person. He called me his limpet. I felt very lonely after he died because I chose to distance myself from others as I preferred his company. I don’t have many friends either and my girls are grown up with families of their own and don’t live close by.
I have tried to keep this reply short after my long rambling one. I wish things were different for all of us here but we can help each other just by reaching out x
@Patsy219
Northumberland was my Johns favourite place. He took me there last year as I’d never been n I loved it as much as him.
Many years ago he’d wanted to move there so it must be a fantastic place as he would never have dreamt to leave his beloved Lancashire.
We took a gamble 71/2 years ago and moved up from Yorkshire. Sue said it was the happiest she had been living up here. I just wanted her to be happy. I loved seeing her happy.
Pebblebay, you weren’t rambling, you were helping me and I appreciate everyone’s help. I’ve had a particularly horrible day, things can only get better can’t they? Like you my children and their families live far from me. On a lighter note, I’m flying the flag for Scotland, I expect you’ve been Mitzi, I live in a lovely place, from the borders to the Highlands and islands there’s some beautiful scenery. Take care everyone. C
Hello, and good morning everyone. I hope today is better then yesterday.
People nobody rambles on here. It is for most of us a life line in are grief.
Today I am going back to Alnwick Gardens the cherry blossom is out now (i think). I will cry but then what’s new. I am going first thing so i hopefully will not see many people. The trouble is people will say what a beautiful day etc and like most of us, i just see grey at the moment as beauty has left this world.
@Pebblebay
Went to Scotland many years ago and it was simply beautiful and the people very welcoming…we did up the east n down the west coast and I have a cousin who lives in Oban…
Me n John always intended to go up there but he wanted to go absolutely everywhere. He was very well travelled…always learning about new places n the history of them…
I feel numb and can’t cry most days. I need to go back to work at some point but really don’t want to be around people?
They can be clumsy even when trying to be kind.
I feel stuck with a thick head and feel tired. I went through my DVDs and books yesterday and put some in the car to take to charity shop today.
I do feel lonely today.
Hi, be of no consolation but I feel like this every waking minute. I just dont have the strength or inclination to speak or mingle with people. I have 2 sons at home and its me who is the problem atm. I know that she would want me to rebuild. I dont know where to start, rebuild what? The cogs have siezed, grief is about love or so im told. If it is love then why does it hurt so much?
I know what you mean. My partner was always encouraging me and wouldn’t want me to be like this. People say give it time and I see others who have lost people getting on with life but no one actually knows how another is coping. Have you managed a walk today? I haven’t yet.
My car needs a clean too but I’m not motivated - late lunch and maybe I’ll commit to that
Hi this path is very hard and i am afraid, nobody else understands it apart from those walking it.
I managed to go to the Gardens again today. I did not cry as much but i feel it was more exhausting as they were more couple’s today and it just made me feel more lonely and depressed. Don’t get me wrong i want people to be happy it just makes me do sad releasing what I’ve lost, sorry hear comes the tears. Take care one step.
Hello everyone, I understand all of you what you’re going, we’re all just trying to help each other best we can. I’m not too good today, depression bad. Like you Pebblebay, I’m feeling terribly alone. This is the first time today I’ve looked at this forum.
Mitzi, I live on the east coast. My husband and I travelled all over the UK after visiting many countries round the world. Oban is lovely, we used to take the ferry over to Mull and Iona, I don’t want to go back to any of the places again, too sad. Hugs to everyone.
I know I should go out for a walk. It will make me tired if nothing else. I do have reasons to carry on - 2 grown children 3 grandchild but I just wish it wasn’t so hard putting one foot in front of another right now? I can experience better days, I did yesterday so I’ll try to remember that but it is hard. Big hug to everyone x
Sorry i was not going to post today( i think i post to much).
Last night week 11 started. The nightmares were worse. Are they nightmares when you are awake?
At one point i was shouting out please don’t leave me, please don’t die,you promised you would not leave me. With me giving her cpr till the Ambulance arrived. Sorry today is going to be a bad day.
I hope everyone has a better day then yesterday.
@Nightwish1
Good Morning…Nightmares are so real aren’t they but we have to remember that they’re not but they’re disturbing and I think for me a pre-warning
Strangely I had nightmares for around three weeks before John died when staying at his house n sometimes at mine when he wasn’t feeling 100%.
I used to talk to him about them and we were both mystified as I’d never had nightmares before.
I haven’t had them since…
I do hope your day is a good as it can be…