Hi
My husband has had two bereavements close together.
Totally closed down, not sleeping, not eating, not talking, actually put himself into another bedroom.
Verbally aggressive, then totally withdrew.
I am allowing him his space, getting on with what I have to do but I have to admit this silence which we now have is very distressing.
He does not want to talk, does not or is not crying and I feel at a total loss on what to do, what can I do just be here for when he needs me. Thank you for listening, it’s hard when their is no one you can talk to ( or that you want to distress, with what is happening behind closed doors 
).
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I’m not sure what advice to give. I can only say that when my husband died, I was like that. I didn’t want to eat sleep or talk. I was angry at the world as well as heartbroken. I remember my sister ringing me maybe a week afterwards and inviting me for coffee. I just couldn’t, but I did say to her “please ask again in a couple of weeks”. She did and I eventually went. Slowly I can communicate again. I even spent an hour at a family gathering last month. Even now at three and a half months, I struggle. I was talking to a neighbour today and I just started to cry.
All I think you can do is be patient and keep letting him know that you love him. Maybe someone else will have better advice though.
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Hello @ButtercupRainbow,
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about the two bereavements your husband has experienced in such a short space of time, and about how difficult things have been for both of you since. I hope you’ve found some comfort from @Stealaway’s kind reply so far from the perspective of someone who has been through something similar.
When it comes to something as tough as grief, it can be hard to know what to say or do that might help someone you love, especially if they are really struggling and you’re finding it distressing to witness. Grief can affect someone in lots of different ways, including sleep, appetite and the ability to communicate with people around them, which can leave you feeling helpless and unsure what to do.
Our https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/grief-kind has lots of resources that may help if you’re supporting someone who is grieving. You can:
I also want to acknowledge the impact this is having on you. Supporting someone through grief can be emotionally exhausting, so please remember to take care of yourself too. The community is here for you.
Take care,
Harriet
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Dear ButtercupRainbow I am sorry to hear your situation. It must be very difficult for you to know what to do if he isn’t talking. I think what Stealaway said is really the only option as forcing him to talk etc may only worsen the situation. Is there anyone in his family that might be able to get through to him without you having to explaining everything. I am sorry I can’t add anything else but I want you to know that I feel for you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Wishing you a speedy solution
All the best
Tom
I
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Thank you for the reply’s and advice. I appreciate the support and kind words.
It’s just so hard, one minute he’s talking to me the next totally blocked… he’s even blocked my phone number and WhatsApp which is petty of me to complain about that which I’m not honestly it just hurts.
Right, pulling my big girl pants up!! And off to distract my thoughts.
Take care 
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Hi @ButtercupRainbow
It sounds very difficult for you both. Im sorry. As others here have suggested, just try and be there when he wants to talk or cry. I wonder if you have a friend that you can talk to so you have support too x
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Hi, I think the only thing you can do is just to be there for him. Tell him how much his behaviour is worrying you. I really didn’t want to talk to to people following the sudden death of my partner, I had no motivation, my brain was full of white noise and my memory poor. At nine months my motivation isn’t much better. Grief changes a person, it takes a long time to work through it. You need to look after yourself too. Take care and post on here again.
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