How to cope?

My dad died suddenly in Feb 2021 & I do not know how I am meant to cope. I am 28 & he was 60, the thought that when I get to 60 I will have been alive longer without him kills me.

I just feel like the rest of my life is such a long time to be without him. He was my best friend & the best person I know.

I understand it is still early but sometimes I completely break down & it’s suffocating / hard to breathe.

Does anyone have any experience to help me with this? Or tell me what to do? Who to see?

Thank You

2 Likes

Hello @Harriso92, there is no coping because it’s awful. If you didn’t care about your dad then I guess you’d be completely unaffected but you love him very much and when you read more on this site you will find more and more evidence that grief is love.

It sounds really hard for you right now. You’re not the only one though, many of us here feel or felt hopeless, overwhelmed and panicked by so many aspects of what we’re going through and what we saw our loved ones go through.

Things you can do… nothing can solve it of course. Also giving people who tell you stupid platitudes a slap is not recommended, sadly you will find plenty of your people in your life completely useless as they don’t know what it’s like :confused: Talking with people going through the same thing on here or a counsellor helps me.

Also you can make a telephone GP appointment and tell them truthfully how you feel. If you get a good GP they can give you chemical help to get you through the worst whilst you’re waiting for things to unpack in your head and make sense of the new reality. I don’t know for sure you’ll be ok just like I don’t know if I will but I felt completely hopeless a few months back and these are things that helped me to where I’m really sad and I don’t know what to do next but I’m surviving and sometimes I have times of joy again that give me hope.
take care.

3 Likes

FleurDeLis that is so helpful and your words “unpack things in your head” really struck a chord with me. Thank you. Hope you’re coping today.

Nicky x

2 Likes

Thanks NJL . I have had a down few days but not as down as I used to get in the beginning. I still want to live now but just not really sure why, maybe it’s the pills but despite some heavy days where I am bewildered that this is my life for real (apparently, I am still not quite convinced I won’t wake up from this nightmare but starting to lose hope with that, it’s been quite a while now! :slight_smile: ), I still keep going. I work (very badly), I garden (ditto) and I get by throwing myself from one rail to cling to and then another. Dunno where I am going but when I don’t think about that I am mostly OK I guess.

I hope you are doing OK today, Sundays/weekends are often the hardest I think because those are the days I used to look forward to most. Then again everything I used to look forward to is now just a stick to beat myself with, isn’t it weird how pleasure turns into torture with just one variable changed.

Take care of yourself x

4 Likes

Thank you so much for your message.

I just feel as though it isn’t getting any easier, it just continues to either stay the same or I feel slightly worse than the week before.

It’s hard as people either try to talk about it with me which I understand is them trying to help or people will not say a word & pretend nothing has happened.

I miss my dad so much I can’t even begin to tell people how much.

It’s my birthday weekend & I am dreading the card from just my mam without it saying “mam & dad” on it.

Thanks again for your message

1 Like

I understand the dread of the birthday, mine is also coming up next month and I wish I could just not have one anymore.

People don’t know until it happens to them how all consuming grief like this is… the main comfort I find is in talking about it with people who know but it’s hard in real life as you know it’s maybe awkward for people and that makes you self censor.

This forum was a lifesaver for me and people I got talking to on WhatsApp afterwards who I can be real with without too much polite veiling over it because they know.
I hope you’ll find this forum helps release but yes nothing truly helps and we’ll never get over this, just learn to live around it hopefully eventually.

Take care and wishing for you to get through this weekend however you need to… let us know how it goes.

1 Like

Hello @Harriso92 I hope you survived your birthday.
Take care.

1 Like

Hello,

I survived & I’m officially 29

I had a cry on the morning as my brother put a picture of me, him & my other brother on my Facebook & the only comment on this picture was my dad saying “I love my sons” from last year.

I did have a good day though surrounded by family, I’m feeling quite good today.

I know it will come & go, this is the best I have felt for weeks if not months but I do find talking here really does help.

Thank you

2 Likes
Back to top