How to cope

It has been 4 months since dad passed away and I feel that it is only now that grief is hitting. I feel so desperately sad. When with my family especially my mum, I feel totally overwhelmed I just want to run away. I can’t cope. I want to be the strong person and with them I feel I need to be. At home my thoughts return and I am sad, anxious, over whelmed and without hope. I don’t know what to do with myself. I long to be happy and have peace on my mind and heart. Being on work holidays at the moment isn’t helping as I have lost my daily routine. Will things getting easier ? Will I adjust to the change ? Will mum cope ?

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Bear, you will cope because you are strong and grief makes us stronger even if at present you feel low, sad and helpless. It’s a time thing and is different for everyone, grief don’t understand time but you will feel better. It’s a bit like a train journey, sometimes the train goes slow and others fast but you will get to your destination and smile again and so will your mum. Small baby steps, it’s hard work but we do get through it. There’s lots of people on this site who have listed their dad and feel just like you, feel free to read and post. My dad went a while ago and he was quite young but the memories are still there. Look after you mum, she will miss him so much, all those years together but give her extra hugs and take care of yourself.

Hi Bear1 your name struck a cord. My husband was big bear my daughter little bear. This is what they called each other It was and always will be this way. The memories both happy and sad are difficult at first to struggle through. Its like a madness always conflicting emotions. As the weeks and months pass thoughts become less in your face and they start to sit along side daily life. Out of the blue something comes along to knock you down but you pick yourself up.
Your life has forever changed and learning to live this new life is not always easy but is doable even if at this moment it feels like it will always be this way.
As for your mum I hope she finds her way to. Its bloody hard, as a mum staying strong knowing the kids are suffering and wanting to make it all better as she always has is not always achievable at this time as she has her own loss and its the toughest loss she will face.
So just be there talk about how you feel how she feels if you both can do that. Give eachother space. Help eachother is all we can do.

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I"m sorry for your loss @Bear1. It can be so hard, especially if you’re used to being the ‘strong’ one in the family. I felt that too - I am the one who deals with lawyers, banks, medical appointments… and when my mum was dying and died, I felt I had to be the one to ‘take charge’.

Even as my mum was dying in hospital, I had to be the one who held it together because my dad was just helpless. I’m 36 so I shouldn’t need someone taking care of me, but to be honest, sometimes I still resent having to be the one responsible for it all.

You don’t have to be the strong one for everyone else. Lean on others around you - friends or other family. They’ll help support you and hopefully be the strength for you that you are to others.

Thank you Smeats and Tillwemeetagain. Your kind words are very much needed and appreciated. I am blessed with a number of caring friends who are there for me. I just hate being a bother to them. As you both say it is so very hard and painful

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