My mum had to go to rehab as she had been that ill, she ultimately didn’t make it. The Drs said she had to go to rehab having been in hospital so long and being so ill, she couldn’t walk or get out of bed. She suffered so much, not only physically but mentally. She was so miserable, unhappy and depressed whilst she was there. I so wish I’d argued for her to come home, I feel so guilty for letting her go there when all she wanted was to come home. She had some seizures, had to go back to hospital from rehab (which was in the top floor of an old people’s home) and passed away in hospital. I can’t stop thinking of how unhappy and depressed she was, I feel so guilty and the memory of how unhappy and depressed she was is killing me. So much so, I have nightmares about it. How do I deal with this, forgive myself and forget how broken and miserable my mum was? It’s breaking me remembering. I know I did what I thought was best, what I was told had to happen and forget this and remember all the happy times but this is weighing so heavily on me. She was so scared and alone, I had to work and went after work until late and my sister went for a few hours in the day. I’m so angry with myself for letting her end up there. It was my job to protect her
Thank you for sharing this with us, @Lisa892. It sounds so hard and you are brave to reach out.
Have you ever considered counselling to help you to process some of what you’ve gone through? Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Take good care - keep reaching out.
Seaneen
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