How to deal with the bad days?

Losing a parent
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I lost my dad on 24 June 2022 after his battle with cancer and complications from an unrelated matter.

I was able to head home and be with him near the end, but I was away for much of his cancer treatment.

I fluctuate between feeling numb and almost drowning in the sorrow, or absolutely raging. I’m looking for practical tips. Today is a hard day, and I don’t want to worry my family.

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Sorry for your loss. I lost my mum, aged 90, in mid-May. First couple of months were so difficult. I now live on my own. Lived with mum all her life, apart from the past 12 months when she moved into a care home, but I visited every day. I was there when she passed middle of the night. Were you with your dad when he passed? If so, that should give you some comfort; did for me. I find myself going through rough days. Some days fine, others very down; other days angry; other days losing concentration. It’s all part of grief. I know I’ll never have another ‘normal’ day with mum, like I used to have before May, and that is so hard to accept. Never having the normality again.
My methods of coping have been:

  • Reading books on grief and the afterlife before bed (a bit like counselling!)
  • Visiting my mum’s grave. Taking her fresh flowers and talking to her while I am there. Having a little prayer (I am not religious; but have found myself more so since her passing). I do this most days and find comfort there. I always say The Lord’s Prayer while I am there and ask for guidance.
  • Keeping busy during the day. I work from home, but try to get out and about during the day to ease the work and boredom.
  • Talking to her now and then around the home, to keep her memory alive (without seeming like I’m going bonkers!).
  • Not thinking about ‘how am I going to cope tomorrow’. Just focus on today. That’s all that matters. We never know what tomorrow may bring, so it’s not worth focusing on it (in my opinion).
  • Look after yourself; eat well, sleep well. Keep off the meds/drugs if possible. You need the let the grief out naturally. Cry, scream, whatever. Do not bottle it up. Will do more harm in the long run. And be kind to yourself! None of this is our fault.

Wishing there was a magic wand to bring her back! A huge loss changes us so much. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief.
Take care. xx

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Its coming up for six wks since my mum died i wake up in the morning she the first thing i think about i cry on the way to work most mornings i think il feel better when we have laid my mums ashes to rest …i lost my gran in 2020 so we had my grans ashes so we put mums ahes in with her that what she would of wanted x

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Thanks very much for your reply. I’ll try reading some books on grief :heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss Lisa, it’s over a year later for me and it still feels raw. Wishing you strength

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