How do you forget the pain of your loved ones suffering? My mum was in hospital and rehab 4 months, she went into hospital and never came out. She suffered so much, physically, mentally and emotionally. She was miserable too. It kills me. I couldn’t do anything to help or stop it. I keep having nightmares about it. I’m angry that such a kind, wonderful person had to suffer so much. It breaks me everyday when I think of it. Watching be in so much physical and emotional pain, to suffer that much and not be able to stop it. Do you ever forget it or come to terms with it? It’s 2 1/2 years and along with my general grief, I cannot cope with these memories
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I’m so sorry about your mum, @Lisa892. I can hear the pain in your words. I am just giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support.
Take care,
Seaneen
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I asked my gp this the other week. I know I’m new to this 10 weeks in. My wife died on a Friday night early Saturday morning. I had to do cpr on her till the Ambulance arrived. So i suffer from truma and have flash backs. Fridays and Saturdays arr the worst for me. Sorry my gp said they would fade and happy memories will come forward, but that sounds like a long time for you. I wish you the best.
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Thank you. And for you. Stay strong and take it one day at a time. Sending hugs
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I feel same about my mum as she suffered terribly the last four months of her life. She too didn’t deserve it as she was the kindest person I ever knew. All I know is that life isn’t fair, it can be cruel for absolutely no reason. I did a eulogy at my mums funeral and spoke about how I comforted her when she was in pain. Held her hand and stroked her head when she was fearful and gently kissed her on the forehead. Exactly what she did for me at the beginning of my life, I did for her at the end of hers…….and that’s the circle of life. This is the only solace I have. Your words of anguish are also an expression of how much you desperately loved your mum and didn’t want her to suffer so I think you should be proud of yourself.
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Hi @Lisa892. Really sorry to read how you are suffering, I think most of us have the same sort of feelings, mostly along the lines of “why did it happen?”.I certainly did!
I remember when in the depths of these thoughts, I had to consult a mindful coach, and it turned my life around. She taught me to freely accept these thoughts and resolve them in a way which is kind and compassionate to MYSELF.
The first and best thing I learnt was “shit happens”, “I didn’t decide my tragedy would happen, it’s just part of life, it is what it is”. There are other mindful skills I’ve learnt which help even more.
I still have sad times, but I no longer beat myself up, I can now smile when I think of my wife and the memories I have.
I can recommend having a look at mindfulness. It isn’t just emptying our minds, sitting by a river and staring at a daffodil. Nor is it wearing saffron robes and chanting. It takes time to learn and has been hugely beneficial to me.
If you decide to look at it, have a look at www.fionawatsonmindfulness.com for a free consultation over zoom. That’s what I did.
Good luck to you as you battle on.
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Thank you, it’s so horrible. I wish I could go back and save her from it
Thank you for your compassion and help, I will give it a try
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Im so sorry for your loss @Lisa892 - i lost my mum 17 months ago and was her full time carer in the final year, and watched her suffering in ways that broke my heart, so I totally relate to that agony you feel even now - we hate to see our loved ones suffer, and there is no opportunity to turn back the clock so it feels even worse because we are powerless to make it better. Even if you had a time machine you say there is nothing you could have done that would have helped. But im sure if you had a good relationship with your mum, you simply being there and loving her would have helped 
I dont have a magic solution, its something that torments me from time to time, but i did hear someone say “remember how they lived, not how they died” which i try to hold onto. My mum had over 80 years of life, i dont want her to be defined/remembered for that last year. Plus i find a comfort in knowing that she is now free from that suffering . Do you have any old photos/home movies to recall any happier times? Or maybe start jotting them down in a journal? Ive bought myself a beautiful ornate notebook and im writing down all the things mum told me about her life, along with my own memories.
If you do explore the mindfulness/meditation route (which i also do) then one meditation i was given was to imagine your mum sitting somewhere comfortable, looking relaxed and happy. With every in breath you imagine you are taking away any pain/suffering/ unhappiness from her, and with every out breath you imagine you are bestowing on her all the good things you would wish for her. Its an emotional exercise to do, but might be worth a try.
Sending you hugs and strength 
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Thank you so much for your reply. It has really helped me. You are right. I need to remember our happy times and her amazing life. A few people have suggested mindfulness so I will give it a try. I just miss my amazing mum so so much, she was my everything. It seems many people got though the same, I tried to make it better for her and be there for her. I guess your heart never stops breaking when you love and miss some so much. Thank you again x
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel the same about mum. She suffered so much and I did what I could for her. She was in such pain and misery. I never wanted that for her. It tears me apart thinking about it all. So very sad to see. At least mum is at rest now and free from all of that, you did what you could at the time and you were there for her.
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So very sad for you x
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