How to get over losing my Mum

Went to see my Mum on her 66th birthday last September and she was yellow, i urged her to speak to the GP who sent her for blood tests. Not long after she was told to go to hospital as her salt levels were dangerous. On the 19th of October we lost her to bile duct cancer they only thought she had a gallstone, we had less than a month from the blood test to the day she died. She had a heart condition so couldn’t have anesthesia so had to have traumatic treatments while awake. Id never seen her scared before but she was so so frightened. Before long she was on the syringe driver. We didnt manage to get her home which she really wanted and the horrific trauma she went through and we witnessed makes me feel guilty every day. I just cant get over losing her and I cry every day. I just want my Mum back. How do I get over it? I’m lost.


Hello @DonnaMc

I’m so sorry your dear mum went through this. Sending strenthen and a virtual hug :people_hugging:

I don’t think you do get over it to be honest. You find a way to heal some of trauma, strategies to keep going, but you’ll still grieve them. Your still very early on this journey and it’s still so raw. Do you have support? Can you access counselling to work through the trauma? Guilt is a normal part of grief.

I lost my mum to cancer in November 23. End to end it was 12 weeks from falling to dying. The treatment at points was poor and distressing. But don’t blame yourself - you did your best with the knowledge you had at the time.

I feel like I’m suffocating most days and still tearful and sad. Some days are so darn hard and overwhelming. Don’t make big changes right now and just focus on the present.

If you want to talk feel free to reach out. Take care.

Isn’t it just the worst pain and feeling of helplessness. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still feel guilty for insisting she ring her doctor, I feel she suffered her final weeks in hospital when she wanted to be at home but she was too poorly to be cared for at home. Im just glad she passed peacefully with my brother and I at her side.
I’m sorry you’re also going through this suffocating grief and thankyou for your reply, your loss wasn’t long ago so its good of you to think of others.

Its been 4 months and it feels as raw now as it ever has but there’s a 2 year wait for grief counselling on the nhs unfortunately.
Just looking at photos or hearing songs she liked floors me every time. It just feels so unfair, we didn’t have time to make more memories or get used to the idea she was dying.
Its good to talk to others who know this awful feeling, I’m grateful.
You take care too, lets hope it gets a little easier for us in time.

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My mum was in hospital for 2 weeks before she died. She was admitted for something relatively minor but picked up an infection which she didn’t respond to treatment. The hospital didn’t even tell me she had an infection until the day before she died. The Coroner has requested an inquest to find out what happened, this takes place in May. It’s been just over 7 weeks since mum died, I just wish she hadn’t gone to hospital as she may still be here. Haven’t been able to sleep properly since she died. Let’s hope things get better for us all. xx

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Hi Victoria
Your story resonates so much with mine as I took my mum to hospital as I could see she wasn’t right …
Whilst in there she was given a paracetamol overdose which we had some kind of apology for … but when she came out she was never the same as before she went in and we lost her 3 weeks later . This was at the end of October ?
I blame myself for taking her
The pain and heartache of losing mum is unbearable. I cry daily and personally don’t believe I will ever get over her loss x


Heart wrenching to read your experiances. Sending strength and a hug.

You can get good grief journals to work through some of the pain. The way I’m rationalising it all is that I had mum for 40 years, so being sad for a while is proportionate to that amountnof love.

I had a double whammy. Dad died 9 weeks after mum. I feel rudderless and alone. But before dad died he said he would want us kids to survive and thrive. And he assured me it would ease (he lost his dad at 16 yrs).

Thinking of you all. R x


Just awful. Adding insult to injury it looks like my partner has prostate cancer. I don’t know how we’re supposed to cope with one kick in the guts after another but we’re all here trying to support each other which is a comfort, thankyou. Virtual hugs all round x