How to go on when you are dying inside from the pain?

This is my first post. I lost my 9 year old daughter last April to sepsis. She died going to sleep on my lap, I didn’t know till after as we both had flu symptoms. Never in a million years would I have known she had sepsis. The guilt I feel for not knowing combined with losing my only child/best friend/soul mate. To make matters worse my family have become even more dysfunctional and bitter, it is so toxic and draining I’ve had to back away. Would love to get some advice or just connect to anyone who’s been there.

I’m so sorry. How dreadful for you. I too lost my daughter not knowing that she was ill. While the guilt is unbearable at times, deep down, we know that had we known we would have done anything for our children.
Sending you hugs xxx

Hello lela88, I am so very sorry for your pain. To loose your only child and so young is just heartbreaking. You can only keep telling yourself that had you known you would have done whatever it took to save her. Guilt is a normal emotion to feel, we all feel it. My lovely son died 27 weeks today and I felt guilty to. My first thought was I had done something wrong and life was punishing me. But it was an accident and reality is I couldn’t have stopped it. Don’t worry about your family for now, you need your strength to focus on yourself. You’re on the most difficult road that life can put you on so just take a day at a time and let everyone else help themselves. Sending you hugs xo

Im so sorry to hear of your loss, my husband died suddenly on 22nd november 2018 from sepsis it is such a terrible condition and comes on so suddenly, thinking of you x

My thoughts are with you. I lost my daughter to sudden death. She went to bed with no pains or complaining of anything wrong and in the morning I could not wake her up. I too kept blaming myself and thinking I should have known. If we had we would have done something straight away. Lease keep strong. Big hugs. Kate x

Hi Lela88…You are in the right place, for there are so many of us on this site who have lost sons and daughters so we know how you and each of us are feeling…I feel for you especially as your little girl was so young,but whatever the age the pain and utter loss is the same…Where you get the strength from to carry on living I do not know but you do and so will you…My son died very suddenly and unexpected and the feeling of guilt I felt was tremendous but my son didn’t know he had this illness so how was I to know and it’s this thought that lessons the guilt of how I feel and you must think like this too…I would have willingly have given my life to sacrifice my sons life but unfortunately we don’t have that choice…
You look after yourself…Thinking of you…With love Marina xxx

Hi my loss is different to yours I lost my husband September 2017 but I cannot imagine what you are going through. How would you know that she was as ill as that you’re not a doctor and sometimes even they don’t even get it right. I know it’s no consolation but you loved her and you still love her . Bless you. Please keep talking on this forum it really does help … My thoughts are with you and I hope you have plenty of support . Jxxx

Hi J, loved your comment about still loving our children even though they are not here with us. We will always love them. Thanks for that. K x

That is so hard to read. Life can be so unbeliavabley cruel. I wish you nothing but good things - may your memories serve as a support to enjoy life again. I sincerely hope you get the support that you need.

Please don’t blame yourself. You could not have known as it comes on so quickly. I am glad you have posted on here as everyone understands as we have all very sadly lost people we loved. I lost my daughter suddenly last February and we can’t help but feel guilty.
The love between you and your daughter will always be there and you will never lose that.
I too have had problems with my family it seems to happen fairly often but I have decided not to worry about it and focus on others.
Sending lots of love to you xxx

Dearest lela88 - my heart goes out to you in your pain. I lost my daughter on December 18th after a brutal battle with cancer. She was 29, my best friend, the person I spoke to every day añd my heart is broken. I send to you all the love i can, there are no words to make it better. I hope you can find some strength but the love you felt for her shines through so you shouldn’t be feeling any guilt about anything you could have done differently, you clearly loved her so much. Sending all the love and strength i can ,


My condolences to you and your family. It is hard to lose loved ones.
When it is your child it is worse.
Children are not meant to leave us.
This is so sad. And my heart goes out to you.
I hope that you get the support you need from the site through this very distressing time for you.

My son aged 28 died on the 12th of November, I miss him so so much, Robert was so loving, so caring a gentle giant of a man who would do anything for anyone and ask nothing in return. He was very successful in his career and was very kind to all the people he loved and they loved him in return. I have 3 other adult sons who are all grieving for their brother in their own way, unfortunately while I could do with their company so very much, their grieving does not include me. I speak to his lovely wife via txt which does help a bit, but we both just end up in tears if we try to talk over the phone.
I feel so angry, because Roberts health issues were known, but he was let down so badly by the system, I fought all his young life for proper medical support, but it was never followed through properly throughout his life, despite the attempts we made for this.
I ask the question a million times Why?, why didn’t he get the proper medical support?, every day is like living in some sort of limbo, with life just going on around and I feel like I’m just hanging around aimlessly. I tried going back to work, but lasted 2 weeks and come home upset every day, I couldn’t do it anymore, life is just never going to be the same again, I miss him so very much. My love goes out to all parents in the same position living daily is a constant struggle, which we all have to do, for the people who we have loved and lost, to keep their memory alive x

So very sorry for your sad loss. You have obviously worried about your son for many years and this is not the outcome any parent expects. I am in a similar position as my daughter’s health problems finally beat her in August last year. Anything that was achieved for her medically was hard fought for by the family and I am angry that she was let down.
I’m not surprised you cannot work. It is very raw after such a short time. I am learning that grief does as it pleases and just to do what I can. After all, what’s the rush?
Please keep posting. It has helped me a lot especially to read how people further on are coping.
Sending you hugs. X

Thank you Matella, I’m sending a big hug back, I’m so very to hear the sad news of your daughter, i don’t know why the system can fail our children when we keep pushing, it just doesn’t make sense.
I will keep posting and reading as I know none of us ever would have dreame d of being in this position but we can help each other, just knowing we are going through the natural grief process and how we feel is not wrong x we can never give up we have to keep strong and carry the love of our children on x