How to I deal with a grieving partner.

Hello everyone.

I am so confused and feel like a horrendous person. My partner of 4+ years is ignoring me.

His dad died last week after a rather short battle with terminal illness. He asked me to go up to his family home to be with him whilst his dad was palliated at home. Being a nurse I felt I could add some support to the family and although I was reserved about going I went to offer my support.

Over the time I was there I cooked and and walked the dogs, as well as acted as an advocate for him as the care he received was not very good in my experience. It was so hard to watch and I felt I couldn’t interfere too much as his mother was in charge. Unfortunately , she has had no nursing experience and was quite resistive to my advice. I understood that I was a guest so provided what support I could. As time went on and he got worse the team supporting at home did not teach/advise on fundamental things such as mouthcare and repositioning. As a result he had sheer injuries and horrendous dry mouth. He couldn’t drink because he lost his swollow and I suggested to buy thickener to he could drink safely whilst still awake.

After he died I took all the medication to the pharmacy and the thickener away as I thought it might be traumatic. Unfortunately after I left my partner confronted me by text saying I had stolen from him. Stupidly I blew up, and reacted to that and not he is not speaking me me. He also believes I emotionally manipulated him for him to allow me to take out pug with me. As I am late thirty’s the dog is my baby and I can’t bare for to be away from her, but I didn’t mean to upset him so much.

Now he is refusing to talk to me. I feel totally devastated, guilty and awful. I’ve tried sending him a grift in the post and even then I get no response. I fear I will not be invited to the funeral. How can I deal with this?

Hi Minnimous

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

You might find our resource at Grief Kind - a Sue Ryder campaign | Sue Ryder helpful as well.

Take good care,
Rhi

I’ve only just seen this. So sorry to hear what you’re going through when you were clearly trying to help. I’d long for that kind of support. Are things any easier between you and your partner now?

No. He is not talking to me. It has been over two weeks. He says I am selfish because I am finding it hard to not message him. Unfortunately there is no end date to this as he wants space for the foreseeable. I am confused and hurt. I fear that this is the end of our 5 year relationship without any hope of closure. I feel so much guilt and sadness. I suspect I am not invited to the funeral as I have had no information sent to me.

I suppose I just wait it out… but not sure how long.

Oh that’s horrid and doesn’t seem justified atall. I can’t see what there is to feel guilty about. If you were a friend of yours what would you be saying to yourself? X