I am looking for some advice. My Mum died unexpectedly late August. I am an only child and after my Dad died 13 years ago it was always just the two of us. Now my world feels shattered. It feels like not only have I lost my Mum but my entire family and I am now alone in the world.
When Dad died I went back to work after two weeks. It was way too soon for me and I always said I would take more time when Mum went. I have a very demanding and stressful job in the same hospital where Mum died so I am conscious I cannot ‘ease back in’, my job demands 100%. Does anyone have any advice on how they knew they were ready to go back to work?
My husband died 17th October last and I haven’t been back to work since. I work as a school secretary so my job is face to face dealing with people most of the day and on the phone. I had a lot of holidays to take, so just used them. Am returning next week and am dreading it, I feel safe when I’m home and close to Ray and the thoughts of having to answer questions is really worrying me, as well as wondering if I’ll be able to keep my emotions in check. That said, I hope it will be a bit of a distraction. We’ll I’m hoping it will be. Some of my family have criticised me for not going back sooner. You know yourself when the time is right. Just take it day by day, that’s what I’ll do. Although I know it’s going to be tough coming back to an empty house. Not prepared for that at all. Best of luck with your decision
I’m considering the same problem. My beloved mother died at the end of October. I’m going to do a phased return to work starting w/b 5 Jan. 1st and 2nd weeks 2 days working, week 3&4, 3 days at work etc etc to help ease myself back. I don’t feel ready, but then I don’t think I will ever be ‘ready’ and I have some hope a bit of external routine may help as a distraction if nothing else. My team are also v supportive and decent. Good luck.
I am in a similar situation. It was Mum and me. We lived together. Mum died in October. I know that leaving for work and returning will be hard, as I will be returning to a routine without Mum. My role is very demanding and although I work 4 days per week, my responsibilities changed and doubled in September. It requires me to work long hours and having to work outside of the normal working week. I almost went back a month after Mum died, but then learnt that my Managers timeline and expectations, along with uncertainty about my role made me rethink and I remain off work. I am worried that I won’t manage a stressful and exhausting work situation whilst I am so emotionally vulnerable. I need to be able to have some time to replenish my bucket as I feel that I will sink if it is work, work, work. I have booked a GP appointment for a week after I return to work. I am going to try to return, but if I do not manage and find that expectations are unrealistic, then I will go back to my GP. My priorities seem to have changed since Mum has died. Normally I would ‘get on with things.’ I just returned to normality immediately when Dad died (I was 20) because Mum and I were there for each other. Now it is different - Mum was my world. I have now decided that quality of life and remaining healthy myself has to be my priority. I would be interested to hear how you manage your return to work and any tips.
Hi Peg, thank you for your response. I’m dreading it too. Feels like going back to reality but a reality without Mum isn’t one I want to be in. I’m sorry you’ve faced criticism, I haven’t had anything outright but have definitely felt very judged. I hope you have found the support through this group that you should have received elsewhere. Good luck with your return, like you say, take it day by day xx
Hi Sparrow, you’re right, it sounds like we have very similar situations. Although I’m sorry for you that you’re in this rubbish position too it’s nice to find someone who gets it. I don’t know anyone else who has lost both parents at a young age, let alone who is an only child too.
I know exactly what you mean about priorities. I feel like a totally different person now than I was before. How do I know if I’m ready to go back when my life is completely different now than it was before? I don’t want to go back too soon and feel worse (or like a failure) but I know I need to at some point and can also see the positives in having a routine. The decision is weighing on me
Hi sorry if the tread of this message isn’t right. I lost my mum end of November and I returned to work this week. To be honest I probably should not have gone back yet but I did so now have to face the struggles but I know that anytime is probably never the right time and go back when you think you can handle a set back or too as it’s tough I’m hoping I can keep going and turn out the other side stronger but my anxiety is bad due to grief and all I want to do is cry . I hope you find the best time to go back . I’m hoping my worst days are over and I can move positively going forward .