How to make sense of life

My mum passed away last year in February 2020. This was a sudden death she had gone to India and I got that dreadful call from my cousin. She did live her life to the full. What hurt most is that she had four children and none of us were near her and my father died the same way too but dad died 40years ago that did not hurt as much as he was not well and I still had my mum which helped me with my grief. When my mum passed away we went to India did all her rites and came back in March. As soon as I was back we went into lockdown then I got furloughed fir 6 weeks. This was very difficult time for me as I did not have any distractions and I had to deal with the grief. On top of that my partner was not helping as he wanted attention from me even now. My mum first birthday, Christmas, Diwali and her death anniversary came all at same time and I did not know how to feel. My sister planned prayers for her on zoom which has brought out lots of unresolved grief. On top of all this we tried to move 5times and it did not happen. Things like this I would talk to my mum and she would push me forward she was my strength.

At present I am afraid of the future I want to feel secure but all I feel is fear. Also my partner does not help as he brings his issues and all I want is to be left alone to make the sense of now and he always wants to argue and all I want is to be left alone.

Some help will be much appreciated as how to make sense of this time.

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Hello @Ritpat
I don’t think you can make sense of it. I don’t understand how my Mum isn’t here any more. It’s 12 weeks since I lost her and I miss her so very much. Some days are terrible and others are less terrible and I’m numb and don’t really feel anything. I’ve learned that this is how grief is and I think it’s your brain’s way of protecting you.

Sadly your grief can sometimes bring out the worst in others and you feel you should be able to rely on your partner for unconditional support but it’s not always there is it. I miss my Mum’s total love and support, she was ALWAYS there for me and no one else can give you that comfort and reassurance.

You’ve come to the right place here. No one can make things better for you but everyone understands what you’re going through and somehow that really does help.

Take care x

Thank you so much. Your mum has just recently passed away and you sound so strong at coping with the grief. I was like you for the first year but at anniversary of her birthday, Christmas, new year and so on I did not know how to feel and all that grief came back. . My cousin mum just passed away and they have prayers on zoom every day and it brings all those memory back and I relive all those emotions again. So I have stopped attending the prayer.

Now all I do is think of my mum and try to smile at her it is hard but slowly I am going to get there.

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