How to give their life meaning ? That is what I am thinking so that it was more than only a memory which is gone when the people who do remember are no longer there. Yes we might put a headstone, tree or bench; write their life story and famous are written up but then what?
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Maybe it is just important that their life had a positive, loving, and meaningful impact on our lives. I have lots of photos from my past and when I am gone they will certainly go into the blue bin for recycling. And so will my birthday-, anniversary-, and Christmas cards which I wrote to my beloved husband. I have no family and I doubt that his side of the family is interested in my life story. But I starting to come to terms with this although it is painful. Sending lots of love and hugs.
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How long is it for you @Annaessex youre very brave ! I dont think i have come to terms with it properly yet? I miss him all the time ! He shielded me from all the crap in the world and sunce he went i have inly realised that there really is so much crap about and so many bad people about ! I find family can be the worse ! They have disappointed me the most with their hypocrisy ! Turn up to the funeral then its goodbye, see you later ! Deal with it yourself ! Two of my own children ( got 3) have just been awful … im not even speaking to them ! Its so hard all this and i cant believe how cruel and selfish some people are !! Xx
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@Enorac my Sue Ryder counsellor suggested I read a poem “The Dash” to help with learning to live with grief. It is very much about the impact, the presence, the contributions, the ones we love have had in our lives - and that of others too. I read the poem & then I wrote down words & short sentences about my soulmate’s presence. It helped.
We both loved history and had strong belief that every person has an impact on this world, for good or bad. Everyone has mattered. Everyone matters. We would see photos or potrait paintings of individuals from the far distant past, and closer to the present, and wonder about their lives.
We both would ackowledge each face on pictures of history, names on graves, and the souls in places where individuals were part of a nameless crowd - remembering each person in that crowd had a name.
I try and make a point of saying “I see you” in acknowledging the often nameless, long gone, faces of the past. They arn’t just names, just faces, just dates, they are individuals who mattered.
Maybe one day someone will see my soulmate’s picture, or name on a register, long after anyone can testify to who he was & they will acknowledge that whoever he is he mattered. Perhaps they will say “I see you”.
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Dear Deb5, I am not brave at all but I have seen this happening before. I lost my husband this February on Valentine’s Day. I gave him my presents and three hours later he left me behind. Every day is a struggle and sometimes I cannot even leave the house because I feel so bad and do not want to see any people. I know I cannot go on like this but I have no energy or motivation left after having my wash and put clothes on. All of a sudden I am afraid of being burgled or that the electricity is playing up or that the washing machine will break down etc. Something I never felt before so strong because my husband would be with me and have advice or repair it. I hope that I will find my strength today to hoover a bit and clean the kitchen floor. Sending lots of love and hugs.
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Youre doing ok @Annaessex … its not long for you … only 4 months … bit longer for me - 6 months - but its flipping hard work dealing with everything , alone now 
. Just do what you have to do and keep looking after yourself x
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There is an online system where can post photos because it is interesting to o know what people looked like. I have some of my father’s things. I saved them from being thrown away. I need to put it all in a labelled easy case. Yes see what you mean about cards. But I like to see writing of people who are no longer here. I want to put photos on my mum and dad’s headstone. I would have to put my husband’s image on the flower pot holder on his grave as not allowed in churchyards.
I treasure any images of my relatives. But of course when no one is left it is difficult. I want to paint a portrait of my husband.
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