How to seek advice

Coping with bereavement
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Hi. I’ve posted a few times after losing my partner I. The 14th January this year. He had just turned 47 I am 39. It was incredibly sudden and unexpected. It all happened just after 4am. I had to do CPR after he stopped breathing following what I can only describe as as a massive seizure. That morning will live with me forever. We are awaiting answers.
I keep being told to speak to the doctor to see if they can get me in touch with someone who I can talk to to help. As the trauma from the morning and the actual loss is immense. Everyone said grief is different for everyone and god is it twisted. People are trying to get me to go back to work or whatever when really I don’t want to feel better or leave the house. It almost feels a way to hold on to him. We were always out and about with our dogs and just bloody happy. I have hardly left the house and I think I find morning time the hardest. I can’t explain why.
I was hugely dependent on him. Not that the independent me would admit. I don’t have friends as such as we just did life together.
I don’t know if speaking with a therapist is what I want or if it will help or even if I want it to help. If anybody has any experience please let me know. I genuinely feel like I’m driving myself crazy.

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Hello @Kellymet ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and your loss and the trauma of that day is so very recent.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to re-share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement which offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.

Take care - keep reaching out,

Alex

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Dear Kellymet. Whilst my loss was different in that I lost my daughter in November last year all those of us who have lost someone who formed the centre of our lives can understand something of how you feel, how confused about what to do, how to be, so many different feelings or no feelings, fear, the trauma of what you went through and we are all lost at the start because we dont know ourselves or what is really going on. Some go into keeping busy, some go numb for a while, some just find getting out of bed impossible. What we all begin to realise is that we are in shock at first and this can go on for any length of time, and we all need some kind of support for even the most basic of living actions at time. Even time can stand still and everything can become meaningless. You are so sadly at the start of a journey that doesn’t have a roadmap and whilst counselling can help mostly some time has to pass before it is effective as you will not really find any real understanding for a while. It sounds to me that what may help is some basic caring and support. And I hear that you dont have friends to call on and that might be so tough. The morning can be the hardest as we awake to the same reality each day. Dont expect to make sense of anything for a while just try to get some support. Doig this alone would be so hard. I am so sorry and you can always come back and talk to people here who do understand. Paul x

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when I lost my mom I went overseas to see family but I had a strange feeling that I had to go home because I had to “be” with my dead parent. it was odd.

counseling helped me A LOT. my mom always said, “Just try.”

I am very sorry. :purple_heart:

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