Struggling to get a complete nights sleep since losing my husband
I am retired so apart from days when I look after the grandchildren I don’t really have busy days
I never feel tired & ready for sleep. Tried staying up later but after an evening on my own I don’t want to watch any tv or read any more so bed seems the place to go
Some nights I fall asleep quickly others I lie there with thoughts going round. Getting upturn of bed i feel even more awake. Every night I wake once or twice & am awake from anywhere between an hour to 3 hours.
Anyone tried herbal remedies like Bachs rescue remedy?
I don’t feel I need sleeping tablets because fortunately I get up in the morning & don’t feel that I need to sleep more but I just hate the nights when I wake up & can’t get back to sleep
@Crissy61 Have you tried Kalms or Nytol? I always dismissed them as herbal junk that probably wouldn’t touch the sides with me, but I was surprised. Not every night though as you will get used to them and they stop working. I exercise every day, that doesn’t work. I think there is far too much going through our minds and nighttime is when it all catches up with us.
The social prescriber suggested I try St John’s Wort for anxiety, as my sleep pattern was a mess. Like you, I didnt want to go down the route of sleeping tablets.
I am 19 months down the line and am so much better. However, recently my sleep has been awful. Nightmares, not being able to sleep, etc. I’m a woman of a certain age, post menopause, and have just been googling and saw a supplement of ‘5-HTP’ which is supposed to increase serotonin and therefore lift your mood. I thought I’d give it a go before I go to the doctor. I’ve managed so far without taking anything. Has anyone tried it?
If you find a way let me know. 14 months since my husband died and haven’t had decent nights sleep since. Can’t take sleeping pills or products as I have sleep apnoea.
Hi Pudding
I was the same as you and tried everything and one day out of the blue I was shredding paperwork and came across a receipt for our mattress, I took it as a sign, plucked up courage as it was our bed/mattress and letting it go was an absolute wrench but I ordered a new one, when the delivery men took the old one away I broken down it tears…but…I have slept soundly since that day, I realised I couldn’t sleep in our bed without him being next to me so had to make it my own bed and I was shocked that this worked where everything else had failed, not saying it will be right or work for you but just some food for though
Thanks @LynT . I have been considering getting a whole new bed. It is currently a super king zipped and linked. I have been thinking about a double. Would give me a lot more room in the bedroom. I would then consider taking out a cupboard and installing a wet room. I don’t think I am ready to get rid of our bed yet. Due to my mobility issues I had to take the opportunity of family help available soon after his death and get rid of his clothes. His bowls went to his bowls club as per his wishes and his Masonic regalia to his Masonic brothers. His watch went to my nephew.
Also the bed I get would need to be a very specific height or I would either have issues getting in it or out of it. I just don’t feel ready to pull the trigger on the change yet.
I actually think the silence has a lot to do with my not sleeping. It is gradually getting better. In the early days I slept for about 2 hours a night. Now it is in 2 hour chunks. I miss the days when I went to bed at 10p.m. And slept until 8a.m. The next morning.
I will certainly consider it.
It has to be what’s right for you and when and if you feel ready.
The silence affected me to. For a long when I went to bed I put the radio on, just to hear someone talking, that helped too. A lot of it is adapting to living and being alone. I try to sit with the silence now instead of trying to fill it. It’s not just the silence in your home, it’s the one in your heart and soul. Nothing can fix that one, only time.
I took used to sleep soundly from 10 to 7am, I now sleep soundly but only for a full 6 hrs but I take that as I have to work and tiredness and exhaustion in the earlier days was awful.
What you have planned for your bed/bedroom sounds like a good positive move for you when you feel up to it
I haven’t changed the mattress but I had bought some new bedding before Andy went in to hospital so he’d never slept under it. That seems to have helped as for the first 4 weeks, I couldn’t even lie down on the bed. I slept sitting up in a chair in the lounge, usually more of a drunken stupor than anything else! I now put Andy’s pillow lengthways so I can snuggle in to it and have a teddy he bought me one Valentine’s Day with his aftershave on. Sleep still isn’t great but at least I’m getting into bed and managing about 4-5 hours. Fingers crossed for you 
I’m still in the spare room. A friend is coming to stay for the weekend, she will have my ‘old’ room, I need to make the bed up for her. She’ll probably wonder why I sleep where I do, it’s dead plain white with hardly anything in it. Suits my mood.
My methods didn’t work so well last night! Woke about 3.30 in tears then couldn’t return to sleep for hours, only to wake again sweating, in the midst of a nonsensical nightmare!!! 
Ive not slept since sunday when partner pasted away I have no idea how im still standing to be fair as not eaten or even washed.
Hi @Ginger68
I turn Rogers pillow lenthways too. So I can turn over and cuddle it.
I don’t sleep well either. Seems to be part of the grieving process
I’m always tired but sleep doesn’t come easily. I usually go off about 1, wake at 3 then every half an hour or so.
But last night I only woke twice so that was an improvement
Strange how we are all different, my wife died in the morning of a cardiac arrest, she collapsed on the bedroom floor, that evening I made arrangements to stay with my daughter but when it came to it I could not leave, I had to sleep in our bed, i don’t know why and I have slept in it ever since, there was one of her cardigans on the bed and I cuddle that every night, I cannot imagine sleeping any where else, I guess we are all different.
I sleep on his side of the bed because it is easier waking up and seeing my side empty. I sleep with his pillow in the small of my back, and his other pillow I cuddle.
He had a cardiac arrest in bed next to me. I did CPR until help arrived. He actually died in hospital 3 weeks later, but he never regained consciousness. The last time he was ‘alive’ was in bed next to me.
It is 13 weeks today since he died. I am putting one foot in front of the other and each day is another one I have endured.
Xx