Hi all,
I am a 42 year old mum if 2. My kids are 21 and 18.
My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in Nov 22. We where told in was incurable and his treatment options ran out in July 23. Now we are all living under a cloud of sadness and fear. Nobody can tell us when, how long we have left. Everyone says they are there for you and you are not alone but it feels so lonely. So scared of loosing my soul mate, i am even more scared of watching my kids loose their dad. Feels like i have been walking on the edge of sanity so so long. I don’t know why i am creating this conversation, i just feel like its a place your can’t understand unless you have been through it.
Hi @Leah81
I am really sorry to hear about your husband and the situation you and your family are in. However, you have done the right thing by coming on here and reaching out.
People on here will have been in similar situations and be able to provide support and guidance.
My wife died almost 6 months ago, aged 57, after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma in Dec 20 and was told in late Dec 22 that her latest treatment had failed and there were no more options. We have two adult daughters.
She was told she had “weeks, months left”, which usually means 8-12 weeks (our youngest works in a cancer centre). However, she lived for another 9 months and requested another scan in June where her nurse admitted that predicting a time scale is pure guesswork.
Use the time you have left to talk to each other, let your husband know how loved he is, share memories and make as many more as you can. Hopefully if you are working they are being supportive and allowing you time off, etc.
Also, hard as it is, try and sort out practical matters such as changing bank accounts to joint names, bills into your name etc, it does make it easier later on.
Finally, please remember to look after yourself, you are grieving already (anticipatory grief), so put apart some time for yourself so you can be strong enough to help your sons and husband.
I am sure there will be others who will also offer you support so keep checking back in, etc
Take care…Pete
Hi Leah 81,
I understand what you are saying about the loneliness sadness and fear of waiting for someone dear to you to pass. It isn’t really waiting…it’s hoping things get better even when you know they won’t. It’s waiting for that phone call. It’s feeling alone and embarrassed to be grieving before someone is gone. My brother has had terminal cancer for 1 1/2 years and has been soooo sick. It’s heartbreaking to see.
I don’t feel I can talk to many people about it…I’m afraid they’ll say something like enjoy the time you have left. It’s not possible to enjoy when a loved person is hurting and dying slowly. I feel ashamed that it’s so hard because it’s harder for his spouse and kids.
But he is was my big brother and I lost my sister 2 years ago to the same disease, my parents and best friend. I try to be grateful for the people who are still with me in this life but I’m sometimes so afraid of losing them too. It ebbs and flows but this is one of those hard times of feeling alone lonely and depressed. Thank you for letting me go on. I hope this was helpful to you.