How will I cope without my mum

Losing a parent
1

My mum has a terminal cancer and was given a year left to live last Feb. I feel like it’s a ticking clock now and I’m so scared to lose her.

I had really bad mental health issues since I was a teen, which I’ve been managing well with therapy and meds and a LOT of hard work. But my mum has always been my rock. No matter what time of the night I call or for how long I need her on the phone she’s always there for me. I’m 23 and only recently started being stable.

But she’s not well at all. I need to be there for her now. I feel so alone in this. Some friendships have gotten worse as I’ve tried to rely too much on them and treated them like they are my mum

I really want to date someone so I’m not alone and not be single but I know that’s not a good reason to date.

I just feel so scared and terrified of how I can cope with this. I’m embarrassed to say that I feel abandoned. I want to be there for her so badly as she’s dying but I feel really bad about myself and I’m having very strong emotions and abandonment issues.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with this. I don’t know how to be there for myself.

1 Like
2

Hello @Nikitarose,

I’m Alex, and I’m part of the Online Community team. I wanted to say thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and how scared you feel.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources which might be helpful right now.

  • Our Supporting someone at the end-of-life pages contain practical advice for those helping someone close to death and information about what you can expect when death is near.
  • Our Anticipatory grief page talks about the feelings associated with grief in the days, months or years before someone dies. This is known as anticipatory grief, as you are grieving for someone who is still alive.

Macmillan offers support to the families of people living with cancer. They have an online chat which is open until 8pm every day. They also have a free support line which you can call on 0808 808 00 00.

I hope you find the community a good source of support to you.

Take good care - you are not alone.

Alex