Hurt by mums last words

I lost my mum three months ago, she wasn’t always the easiest person to please. I tried hard to visit as often as I could, she lived 130 miles away and I work full time. I tried to go often and would spend the weekend cleaning her house top to bottom, doing washing, doing the garden and it wore me out. Her final words to me at the start of her uti were that I was fake, false and only after her money. Those were her last words to me as they hurt more than I can describe. I feel wounded and it’s hard to get through each day, I, lost


Hi Lost4,
I have just read your post and its heartbreaking . Please try to overcome those words. I know you said your mum wasn’t the easiest to please but maybe she was frightened and scared of dying. People lash out at all sorts of times especially if they know how ill they are. I am not finding excuses for what she said as I know how upsetting it must be for you. My hear goes out to you . Try to focus on all you did for her You sound an amazing daughter doing all the things you did for her. I lost my mum 3 mths ago also and its still very raw . Please don’t dwell on those last things she said to you because she would have known how much you did for her. She know she loved her because of what you did for her so the fact you spent the whole weekends with her.
Hold your head up high and make peace with yourself .You did everything you could and you should be very proud of yourself. Concentrate on yourself now ok and get stronger each day.
Do you have any other family?
Keep in touch
Deborah x

Hi there and thank you for taking the time. Sorry to hear you lost your mum too, how are you coping? Those last words she said to me go around and round in my head over and over, specially when I’m trying to sleep. I do have siblings but relations between us broke down some years ago and they are beyond repair. We have got the sake of mum worked together to ensure she had the sort of funeral she would have liked, it was a great send off I must say full of love, smiles, lots of tears and music, I feel like I can’t function any more and do not have sn interest in anything at all. Do you have support?
Ruth xx

Hi Ruth,
Yes I have my husband who is wonderful and my 27yr old son who is still home with us but works all over the uk so is away a lot.
I feel the same . Feel lost,sad, scared of facing the future without her, alone, lost as being her carer, lost my buddy etc.
The list goes on and on and I wake thinking has this all been a dream or rather a nightmare.
Don’t dwell on those words Ruth It is not worth it Try to find peace with those words.
I know someone else who that happened to and she wrote the words down on a piece of paper, went into the garden and burnt them and never looked back. Try doing that and remember they have gone now ok.
You have to find a way to remember your mum with happier thoughts and not remember things she said when clearly she was ill and in a bad place.
When I struggle to sleep and i do very often I get up and go downstairs and make a cuppa and watch Tv to distract myself It works every time. Luckily I am retired now so don’t have work the next day. I also stop myself from thinking anything bad by talking to myself saying right stop this now. I usually get up to do something immediately so I do not dwell on things long enough for it to get to me Try doing that also.
Believe me I am no expert in all this but I can’t change what has happened so have to find ways to navigate myself out of this hell hole.
Keep in touch
Deborah x