Hurtful words

I know family and friends don’t mean to hurt us but why oh why do they think they have all the answers to our grief? The simplistic platitudes, the damaging advice . I try to understand that they have no idea how I feel , I’ve even tried to explain to them how I feel but they obviously think it’s my fault that I still feel so bad and I’m not back to my normal self by now and rebuilding my life. The very people who I should be able to turn are the people who make me feel so completely alone in the world now that my partner has gone. My partner always thought I was too close to my family, he’d never believe how far apart we are now .
I just want to cut them out of my life , if they really cared for me they’d listen to how I feel and accept it and not tell me it’s my fault I’ve got no interest in living. It is so hurtful. S

Do it, S, that is what I have done, since my sister and ex-sister-in-law ignored the fact that my Stan was ill and particularly when he died. Stan was always very good to both of them, kind, helpful and would have given both of them his last breath, I could not believe that they could be so callous and uncaring. It was the same when my beloved younger brother died less than 4 years before Stan and again, when my lifelong friend of nearly 72 years died 6 months after my brother. I am sorry if I am blunt but I have stopped pussyfooting around these people who have a swinging brick instead of a heart.
MaryL x


My few close friends have been so arrogant. Their comments have bordered on cruel. I could say the are not thinking what they are saying, but I actually think sometimes they’ve known exactly what they are saying. I’ve tried to forget some of their comments, as they have been dire. We live in a very narcissistic age. (I have spoken to them very little, because they are so out of touch with the grief process.)
I prefer to be away from them. One person is so arrogant that I’ve avoided them completely. I still get some of their comments via Facebook.
In fact I’m pretty disgusted by some of their comments, which included ‘grief is no big thing’. ‘Telling me that my mothers death should be seen, as a positive thing’. She died suddenly. These are mature women. I want them to go away!
What does a grieving person want more than anything. A listening ear and perhaps empathy. I’d rather be alone, than listen to their sometimes brutal and mind bending comments. I find comfort on here, sitting quietly alone in church and out in nature.

Hi. Sadme. It’s all about understanding. I am not being funny in the midst of all the pain, but it’s what I call ‘the banana syndrome’. Try and tell someone who has never tasted a banana what it’s like. Impossible! So with grief. We have to forgive them for they know not what they do. Forgiving does not mean associating with them. There are people even in normal life that are ‘vexatious to the spirit’. Keep well clear. It’s no use upsetting yourself over them although it’s very difficult not to. We should take and treasure our real friends and just pass the others by.
It can be hurtful even painful when someone we think would be sympathetic turns and hurts us. Who says you should be back to normal or rebuilding your life? Your grief will take as long as it takes, and it’s sheer arrogance to say such things to a bereaved person. I feel your hurt, but they are just not worth the bother.
Take it easy and try not to take too much to heart.

Just to say you’re not alone. Family can be so cruel. They are too busy wrapped up in their own lives to care about us who need love and support in our lives more than we have ever needed it. I have to say if i came into this world again it would be minus any kids. Least you know where you stand and wouldn’t be able to hurt you. Thinking of you. Take care. Xx

Hello lovely people. Surround yourself with only those who enhance your life. Discard the rest. It might seem harsh but life’s too short. I have become very intolerant since losing my wonderful husband. Sending love to you all :kissing_heart:


Thank you, Kate, you are so right, we do not need being surrounded by negative people,


As usual Kate you are so right. If I get the feeling someone doesn’t want to speak to me I don’t bother, let them come to me, I’m not that desperate to have people around me. I’m not going to be pulled down by people. I agree I also am not very tolerant now. I’m not going to be needy or become a victim. I might have lost my Brian but I haven’t lost my pride.
Pat xxx

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Hi, people don’t know what to say or feel as they haven’t felt this pain or loss yet. Unfortunately one day they will only then will they understand what you are going through unfortunately. Friends/family avoid me too , I really don’t care, I have wonderful children and 2 married sisters who put up with my mood swings. They totally get my massive loss of my husband to sudden death at age 55. Life is awful sometimes, too much to bare, but I get up and try everyday, don’t be too hard on people they really don’t understand your pain. Xxx


Thats awful. How can they be so insensitive? Dont be around them if possible. Theres no excuse for it. Sending you hugsx

This is truly awful. :cry::cry::broken_heart: they obviously haven’t felt such a loss yet, it will happen to them one day and they’ll see how much it hurts unfortunately. Sending love. Xxx