Hurting so much

I lost my dad the end of March. He was 68 and had Alzheimer’s. It’s been 4 months and I still feel like it hasn’t happened. I wake up and the pain hits me instantly. I have returned to work on a phased return hoping it will help me but the pain is still there 24/7. I now also suffer from really bad anxiety attacks which I never before. My life just feels so empty without my dad. I don’t think I will ever be the same again. My whole personality has changed. How long does this pain last? I keep reliving every last moments. The worst for me was seeing my dad without any food or fluids in his last days. Watching him slowly deteriorate each day and then waiting for that phone call. I visited my dad every day whilst he was in hospital and we used to sing together and have lovely chats. I just can’t believe he is no longer with me. I miss him so much and a huge piece of my heart is missing. Life just seems so unfair sometimes.

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Hi joey
I am sorry for your loss and wish i could answer how long this pain goes on for. I am 7 weeks in now and cant see an end to it and just feel so sad and empty
I went to a bereavement group yesterday and met many lovely people who shared their losses. One lady lost her mum 3 years ago and still cried when she shared her story. Another lady who was 80 lost her daughter 2 years ago and she is still btoken hearted as her daughter lived with her. She said it never goes away you just have to learn to live with it and try and keep going. What i found quite sad was that she is old and frail so is unable to keep busy as i do gardening etc she cant and wanted a dog for company but cant look after one now. A lady was 5 months pregnant and her mum died of cancer and will never now see her gtandaughter.
This probaly not going to help much but just to say i dont think it ever goes but its rawness reduces after time. Also i found group helpful to be with people who can understand how i feel and picked up some advice from counsellor who ran group
Anyone reading this please try a group they are not for everyone but could help.
Take care
Carol x

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Hi Joey

I was so sad and sorry to read about your Dad. It is very hard I know, I lost my Mum last year and Dad over 20 years ago. I had terrible flashbacks about my Mum for quite some time after she passed away but they have faded somewhat now. With my Dad the same, more so as his passing was unexpected.

I was told at first my life would just be an existance without Mum and that was very true. Now I have reached a sense of acceptance that she is gone hard as it feels some days. I know I have changed in some ways since.

You have the lovely memories of sitting with your Dad singing and chatting to remember. It must have meant so much to him to have you there so concentrate on those times and earlier happier ones when the feelings get overwhelming.

Well done on going back to work, I hope your colleagues are kind and supportive. A phased return sounds good, not too pressurised. Getting out and about is important even if you don’t feel like socialising.

Take each day as it comes. Some will be OK and others not so good. Each one that passes is another you have got through. A year on and I still look forward to going to bed early were I can relax and not have to put on a front or be brave in front of other people.

You take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. The best advice I was given was if you don’t want to do something just say you don’t want to do it. I find it very empowering having always just given in to people’s demands in the past.

Mel
Xx

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Just to say hello joey.our pain will never cease I don’t suppose.I miss my girl so very much.I have thought in time I will do a indoor shrine for my dearest daughter is a budda candle light and photo .but can’t do it yet.I can’t look at any of her photos yet.too painful.I am dreading October she died on the tenth.I am sending you sincere regards about your anxiety attacks you may well have to pay your gp a visit.but in my experience doctors are so time consumed I don’t think they care enough.take care Annette.xxxx.

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Hi Annette. How are you. Thinking of you. I understand that you must be dreading the anniversary. It must be so hard for you to deal with. I have not long bought a Budda and light it every night and think of my dad. I can’t look at photos either it’s too painful. We will be able to when we are ready. Take care of yourself Annette. Always in my thoughts. Hugs xx

Hi joey thanking you so much for your compassion in reply to my post of yesterday.yesterday was a very bad day for me.but every day is isn’t it.for us all on here going through I guess the worst torment of our lives.I don’t identify as having a life now .like you I look to where my girl used to lie on the setee.and remember her lying there in pain.can’t get her out of my head.if there ever is light at the end of this tunnel .I just want to trust in some kind of faith .that’s all.not asking for a lot.do you ever feel joey that your father is looking down on you.?consider you are also in my thoughts and hope you are coping.hugs Annette.xxx

Hi Joey,

I know you’re pain. My nan suffered with alzhemirs for over 10 years even though after being diagnosed the doctors said she wouldn’t live for more than four years. She was diagnosed with cancer and it took her two days ago at 81. I cannot even bear to live at this point. She also went days without water and food as she spent her last days in bed and passed away. It doesn’t go away as this is real pain. I know the pain seeing your loved ones drifting away. I cannot believe and accept it myself. I read in the comments that someone suggested going to a support group which I will try also. Try looking for you’re nearest one that can be a start. Life is very unfair. How are you getting on since your last post

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