Hurts so much

10 weeks tonight I lost my girl. All I can see and hear is her saying “I love you, goodbye” then she never took another breath.
Just too painful for words :broken_heart:

Dear Jay, I feel for you I really do. It’s 39 weeks tonight that my husband died suddenly and life changed forever. I relive the moment I was told he had died over and over. Every Thursday evening at 10.30 I remember the phone call in fine detail and walking into the hospital and seeing my son just shake his head. For all of us who have lost the love of our life that moment of realisation that they have gone is indelibly etched in our memory forever. It will never fade I just hope for all our sakes it becomes less raw and painful.
I know you are hurting horribly but others on this site are thinking of you. We know how much you love and miss Allison. Take care.

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Lovely memory, hope it brings you some comfort to know she wanted you to hear that. I’m 2 weeks behind you and know you’re hurting, and there’s nothing anyone can say.

I’m not sure i want this to be better.

take care

It’s so sad Jobar that you now associate every Thursday 10.30pm with that awful event. I wish there was some way you could instead remember all the happy Thursday evenings that you spent with him, but it can be so difficult. Every Saturday afternoon I get very anxious, today I went and phoned a friend and spoke to him, it is probably more difficult for you because what is there that you can do that late on Thursday, if it had happened during the day time, maybe you could go out and try and keep yourself busy, but that time at night, you’re just at home and have nothing to occupy your mind with. Wish there was something I could do to help, if you ever need anyone to talk to on Thursday evening if you think it might help, just let us know.

Hi Abdullah, that’s a very thoughtful response to my post. Thank you.
All of us on this site will remember distinctly the moment they were either with their loved one when they died or received the news that they had. Our younger son who was with my husband still lives at home with me so I’m not usually on my own at that time. He is now 28 and would ordinarily have moved on but all our plans are on hold for the time being. it isn’t just the time I focus on but also not being with my husband when he died. I always envisaged one of us would hold the hand of whoever went first but as it turned out neither of us could do that. I am also aware that currently there are thousands of people to whom that has been denied and the effect is wholly underestimated.
Unfortunately it was our son who witnessed the traumatic but futile attempts to resuscitate my husband and that distresses me. I want to ask him for details but obviously I can’t as he is already suffering with the images. His GP has mentioned EMDR therapy which he is investigating.
It’s only when it’s too late that we realize there is no dress rehearsal for death and when it is unexpected and sudden it inevitably raises the ‘if only’ thoughts.
I hope you and your mum are helping each other following the death of your much loved father. Thank you again for your thoughts.
Take care.


Abdullah is right, come onto this site at hat time and someone will “talk” with you, and unfortunately, we all do understand what you’re going through. can’t do anything but listen and offer comfort.
I was with June when she passsed, holding her hand, she went very peacefully at the end but lasted for 4 days with just palliative care, and we all know what that actually means. i take comfort in that I was with her to say farewell, and she had no pain.
Just take care of yourself

Thank you Dave. Not being with my husband causes me distress but I don’t underestimate how painful it is to watch the love of your life slip away. However it happens the end result is that we are left alone and there is never a right time. When we promise til death do us part it’s the last thing on our mind and always hope it will never happen. Take care.

Hi Jobar,

I am so sorry you were not able to be with your husband at the end. That is so sad. The hospital did not let us see my dad till two days before he died, which makes me very angry as they had the PPE and we begged them to let us see him, as other hospitals were, but they refused. If they had let us see him, we would at least have been able to have a proper conversation with him before he died, as he was well enough to talk. When I did get to see my dad, he was in such a bad state and in terrible pain, he did not even recognise me, and it still horrifies me to this day. My mum wants to know the details, but I cannot talk about it and will not, as she will only get upset. I am so sorry your youngest son had the horrific task of seeing them trying to resuscitate your husband in vain, and I can only hope and pray that the therapy works for him.

Hi Jay, how are you doing? How are things at work? How is the cat? Just wanted to say that I hope things are a little better for you and that you’re coping ok on most days.

Hi thanks for asking. I’m not on here like I used to. I am just coping with the help of medication. It’s not something I will get used to but I have to keep going as I promised her I would look after her mum.
The cat is a big help. Gives me something to come home to. And work is ok. Gets me out of the house.

I really appreciate you asking.
As you know the pain is still there but I’m coping a little better than I was. I had given up.
Hope you’re as good as you can be. Look after yourself.

Hi Jay, That is great that you are slightly better. That’s what it’s all about at the moment - trying to make sure you have more ok days than terrible days. It’s good that work is keeping you occupied and the cat gives some purpose when you get home. Yes, you will have to look after her mum, and I am sure you will do her proud.